How to Find Peace with Being a Stay-at-Home Mother (SAHM)

Member

By Amanda Morin
User-Submitted Article

Article Rating:

(6 Ratings)

It's not easy to decide be a Stay-at-Home-Mother--or a SAHM in online vernacular--especially if you're walking away from a fulfilling career to do it. You've probably figured out the finances and weighed the other pros and cons to make a rational, logical decision. Though you know you're doing the right thing for your family, you may not yet be completely comfortable with being a SAHM. It takes some work to find peace in your newfound status.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Step 1

Quiet the fierce inner feminist voice screaming in protest. Since the 1970s, generations of girls have been raised to think we can do it all: have successful careers, be attentive wives, keep a household in order and lavish our attention on our children. Truthfully it's nearly impossible to do all of these things without losing yourself in the process. Choosing to step out of the workforce doesn't indicate failure on your part, in fact it's probably a positive step toward good mental health.
Step 2

Talk to your spouse about finances. Many new stay-at-home mothers are very conflicted about no longer contributing to the household finances and wonder if it changes the basic structure of the marital relationship. Staying at home shouldn't be equated with being taken care of. You're probably saving a fortune in childcare expenses and will be saving money that wouldn't have been spent on takeout because you were too exhausted to cook when you came home from work.
Step 3

Avoid hedging when people ask you what you do, even if you don't yet feel comfortable with the answer. When you give vague responses like "Well, I'm just staying home with the kids for a while," or "Right now, I'm not doing anything, I'm home," it gives people the sense that there is something wrong with being a SAHM. Most people don't think twice about it and, for the most part, aren't passing judgment on you.
Step 4

Keep your brain active. Avoid turning on the TV for background noise and when you're not chasing children or playing with them, read stimulating books. Judith Warner's book "Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety" would be a great place to start (see Resources below). The anecdotes and discussion about how it's too hard to do it all may ease your mind a little bit.
Step 5

Create a network of "mom" friends, be it virtual or in the flesh. You don't have to learn how to do this on your own. Joining an online community like CafeMom or joining a local mother's group give you a whole group of people to talk to, rejoice with and vent to about stay-at-home mother issues (see Resources below).

Comments

tmzucker said

Flag This Comment

on 9/28/2009 Thank you for this article. I feel that you've read my mind. I'm currently pregnant with #2 and will be leaving the workforce soon. I've worked all my life for my career and will now be staying home to fulfill my family's needs. You've offered great tips for me to follow.