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Step 1
Listen to the professionals. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, when discipline is necessary, parents should choose alternative methods to spanking. Why do they say this? Because, though many parents may come from the generation where their parents used spanking for discipline, it is now known through the studies of child development and wellness that spanking can leave the child with long term side effects.
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Step 2
Ask yourself has spanking worked to change the behavior. It may seem to get an immediate response, but, generally, the child repeats the same behavior. Then, the parent gets into the repetitious habit of spanking for repetitious behavior. Obviously, spanking is not working.
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Step 3
Spanking teaches the child that it is acceptable to hit. Remember, a child is like a sponge when they are very young and learning right from wrong. So by setting the example that we spank (hit) when we want to correct something we do not like, the child picks that behavior up as acceptable. It can lead to children showing more aggression and anger toward siblings, friends, toys and parents. Do parents want to teach their child that it is okay to hit or have aggressive behavior? Probably not, but, when a parent spanks they are sending mixed signals to a child that is supposed to be learning something.
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Step 4
Discipline should be aimed at calming the situation. Does spanking ever calm the situation? Normally, spanking will encourage a flood of emotions and anxiety within both the child and the parent doing the spanking.
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Step 5
Chaos erupts from spanking. The parent is angry at the behavior the child is displaying, and it is too easy to initiate a spanking than it is to try to understand why the child is acting out. So, the parent takes the easy route and spanks, the child is more angry than they may have been before, the parent is still angry, though it has been said that a parent that spanks because their child is making them mad feels a calming release, which is why parents that start out with what they think is a simple spanking can easily cross the line.
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Step 6
Ask yourself what the child learned from the spanking. Generally, the only thing a child learns from a spanking is to fear the parents. Is it good to teach a child to fear the parent? Children that misbehave do so for attention, and parents that take the time to look at the surrounding circumstances behind the bad behavior can often find a positive solution to correcting the behavior. Sometimes, parents have to stop and listen to their children and observe their children. It may prevent teaching the child to fear them, and rather help them open up to them.
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Step 7
Spanking helps avoid the problem. It is a quick fix that usually has no boundaries, because it becomes the main method of discipline. So, the child whines, they get a spanking, the child jumps on the couch out of boredom, they get spanked, they accidentally spill juice on the carpet and the parent is having a bad day, they get spanked, the child is being mean to a sibling, they get spanked, and on and on. Pretty soon, there is nothing the child can do that does not warrant a spanking.
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Step 8
Understand that spanking can lead to accidental injury. Young children are squirmy, and a young child that knows they are about to get spanked will be even squirmier. This places the child at risk for accidental injury resulting from the spanking. One wrong squirm and the spanking might be delivered a little too high on the spine. A smack to the leg may wind up on the stomach or somewhere else. The parent might feel the need to restrain a child that is struggling to get out of the reach of a spanking, and the child winds up with bruising to arms and legs. It happens.
Comments
annieway said
on 7/29/2009 Spanking is always the wrong choice!
swoollis said
on 7/20/2009 Excellent article! It is frustrating that so many parents do not take the time to learn and utilize other forms of discipline. I find it comforting and rewarding to be able to say "It is not ever ok to hit anyone", and not have to cope with the anxiety of trying to explain why it would be ok for me (or anyone else) to hit them.
JanCast2007 said
on 4/26/2009 -Continued to Daiquiri:So, when little "Tim" grows up and smacks his wife, he'll be able to say it's "loving discipline" you didn't do what I asked so I smacked you to teach you a lesson! Or, when little "Sally" grows up and is on the other side of the abuse, her mind will justify it by saying, "He smacked me because I didn't do as he wished it was loving discipline." What I never get is, why is it okay to spank a child, but (unless it's consenting sexual play) hitting an adult is a crime? Spanking is a choice I guess, but with all the evidence out there, it has to be the last resort--I would hope anyway. I mean there are so many other beneficial discipline methods that do work when consistently implemented from very young.
JanCast2007 said
on 4/26/2009 Daiquiri, Thanks for the comment.However, I didn't take the position of being against spanking per-se ("The battle goes on and on, but what can be agreed upon is that most parents would like to not have to resort to spanking, and since that is a given, it also makes sense to understand why spanking is an ineffective discipline.")You say, "Spanking can be a LOVING DISCIPLINE", well If Love equates to a spanking you are proving the point that spanking can be harmful if the lesson a child gains is that physical discipline = Love. That's kind of scary, since so many children of this generation will grow up to either be abusers or be abused because of lessons taught to them by parents in youth. It's a sticky line and physical discipline should never = love.
Daiquiri said
on 4/26/2009 Interesting topic, thought provoking...but as a mom to 4 kids who uses spanking as a discipline (and finds that it works very well if done properly), I don't agree with your conclusions. Spanking can be a loving discipline that is an effective way of guiding and teaching children.