How to Answer When Kids Want it "Fair"

"It's not fair!" is a common phrase shouted by children everywhere several times a day. And the most common response from Mom and Dad? "Life's not fair." But engaging parents can go even further than that hasty, three-word answer and teach their kids an important life lesson. Read on to learn how to answer when kids want it "fair."

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Tell it to them straight---life is unfair. Offer examples in adult life, such as two drivers can be speeding but only one gets a ticket, or company closes down a part of its factory and some people get to keep their jobs and others don't.
2. Treat kids as individuals. Often kids yell, "It's not fair," because they're jealous of a sibling. Parenting experts Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller say to answer them this way: "I address needs. I don't try to be fair or make things even. Tell me what you need, and we'll talk about seeing if we can make it happen for you. Fair means more than everyone doing the same thing the same way at the same time. Fair means everyone getting what they need when they need it."
3. Keep answers consistent. Giving in to constant whining of "It's not fair," and trying to level the playing field for other siblings, even at busy times, will undo any previous explanations that life is unfair.
4. Ask your kids how they would make the situation fair. Lots of times you will find they will come to their own conclusions that, yes, Mom and Dad do have their best interests in mind when laying down the law. Letting them talk it through is always better than talking at them.
5. Ban the words. If "It's not fair" just gets to the point of being annoying--and your kids know it--simply ask them to use other words. Author Mary Sheedy Kurcinka says perhaps they really mean "Can we please talk about this?" or "Mom, I don't like that rule." Explain that if they use these words, you are more likely to answer them directly instead of brushing them off with the standard "Life's' not fair."