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Step 1
Set your ground rules from day one. Some foster parents think it's a good idea to let the child slowly conform to the rules of the new household, but this will ultimately backfire. Your foster child needs to know from the start what you expect and what the consequences are for misbehavior.
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Step 2
Let the foster child own his feelings. Do not try to tell him how he feels, even if the feeling is inappropriate. Acknowledge in a calm manner what feelings he may have. You may have to help him identify what he is feeling, or he may just need you to bear witness to his pain.
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Step 3
Reinforce her emotions by saying things like, "I might be very angry if that happened to me, too." Make her feel that her feelings are important and that you are really listening to what she is saying. You may not agree with the emotion, but you still need to recognize that she feels it.
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Step 4
Help him realize what is actually upsetting him. Many foster children are upset at a lot of things all at the same time and may have trouble identifying what is actually making them upset. Talk through the problem and offer suggestions for what the cause may be.
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Step 5
Document everything that happens verbally and physically in your home. It is smart to keep a journal of day-to-day notes, even if nothing extreme occurred that day. Take detailed notes on each child, and document anything you can with pictures, too, like bedrooms, new clothes and toys.
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Step 6
Talk with her caseworker and support staff regularly. Let them know what is happening with your foster child, both in your home and at school. Ask for additional assistance, like counseling or respite, if you think she needs the care.
