How to Get Kids to Help With Chores
Do you often feel that your kids don't do enough household chores? That's the situation in the Smith household. Mary, the Mom wants the kids, a 13-year-old girl and a 17-year-old boy to do their share of chores on the weekend. Bill, the Dad doesn't seem to notice if the chores get done or not. That leaves it up to Mary to harp and insist that the kids vacuum their rooms, empty the trash, change the litter box and fold their own laundry. Mary hates nagging, but that's what she ends up doing--and even then some of the chores go undone.
Until kids graduate from high school or leave home--it's typical that they'll need prompting to complete their tasks. Expecting kids to contribute to the household upkeep is reasonable. As long as what you're asking them to do is reasonable too--then it's perfectly okay to remind them of their chosen or assigned duties. Here are a few ideas that might turn endless harping and nagging into effective prodding.
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Instructions
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Plant Suggestions.
Ask questions that imply freedom of choice such as: "I'm wondering if you might consider empting the dishwasher?" or "Would you consider taking out the trash?" Hardly anyone can resist requests like these. Framing your request in such a way implies a choice, which is more likely to elicit cooperation than an order. Choice-filled suggestions let kids save face because they feel like it's their idea--and since there is no force involved, the chore becomes an act of goodwill. Since you asked if they might be willing, they don't have to "jump up" immediately; there's a little room for thinking it over before they act. By asking instead of ordering, you give them a feeling of a little more power--and that makes them more involved in the process. (By the way, this approach also works with husbands, wives and mothers-in-law.)
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Offer Reminders.
Use one-word clues such as: "vacuuming," "litter box," "trash," "bathroom." First start with the questions above and then drop one-word reminders until the chore is completed. One-word reminders are good for you too, because they keep you from being sidetracked with endless arguments.
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Ignore Grumbling.
Ignore excuses and whining. The kids will grumble, but you don't need to react to those complaints. In fact, it's better if you expect complaining as part of the process. That way you won't be delivering lectures about the joys of pitching in. The only issue worth commenting on is whether or not the chores are completed. "You're not done yet" or "We can discuss it when the chore is done" are the only sentences you need to repeat.
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Lower Expectations.
I knew a mother of three who expected her kids to jump out of bed on Saturday morning and do the chores cheerfully. Excepting kids to whistle while they work may be going a bit too far--but if you can make that happen--more power to you. Until then, you might adopt the policy of "pout and get working."
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Accept the Role of Chore Manager.
It's typical in most households that one parent is the "heavy" and that the other is the "softy." If the job of the enforcer has fallen to you, don't complain about it. Rather than dwelling or nagging your spouse--set a positive example for the children by accepting your role as chore manager. Elect yourself "Chore Mom" and get the job done.
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