Step1
Masters and Johnson were among the first scientists to explore the sexual responsiveness of older adults, and research since has only confirmed their findings: “…evidence indicates that our sexual identities and need for intimate relationships do not normally mysteriously disappear at some age; we do not, in old age, morph into some asexual, unisex being. Regular sexual activity is beneficial to individuals' mental and physical health across the lifespan.”
While they noted that there were changes in sexual response with age – it takes older men longer to become aroused and they require more direct genital stimulation, women don’t produce as much vaginal lubrication as quickly as they once did – many seniors are perfectly capable of excitement and orgasm well into their 70s and beyond.
A researcher, testing this finding on his own family, asked his grandmother how old people are when they stop enjoying sex. The 80-year-old replied, “You’ll have to ask someone older than me.”
Step2
You’re Never Too Old
In one research study, an 80-year-old man shared with the interviewer why he and his 75-year-old wife value their sexual relationship. "My wife and I both believe that keeping sexually active delays the aging process. Neither of us is troubled with false modesty; and if we are in trouble with an erection or lubrication, we turn to oral methods or masturbation of each other. We keep our interest alive by a great deal of caressing and fondling of each other's genitals. We feel it is much better to wear out than to rust out."
Despite such a positive affirmation of sexual appetite and capacity, social stigmas and myths surround the topic of senior sexuality. Why? And, for how much longer?
A few years ago, the fastest growing age group in the United States was over the age of 85. Now, it’s the over 100 group. Just one in 10,000 Americans are 100 years old or better, but by 2050 when the oldest Baby Boomers reach 100, the U.S. Census Bureau estimates there will be nearly a million centagenarians.
Actor Dennis Hopper, in the Ameriprise Financial TV spots about retiring Boomers, summed it up this way: “I don’t see you playing shuffleboard.”
Certainly, if what seniors believe about their own sexuality comes into play, Boomers are going to add a few new lines to the lexicon about seniors and sex.
Step3
Media Portrayals and Self Perceptions
A 90-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a passerby asks what’s wrong. "I’m in love with a 25-year-old woman," he responds. "What’s wrong with that?" asks the young man. "Every morning before she goes to work, we make love... At lunchtime she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal.
In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex. And then we make love all night.” "It sounds like you have the perfect relationship,” the young man says. “Why are you crying?" "I forgot,” the old man sobs, “where I live."
While everyone knows that being physically active is beneficial for people of all ages, Patricia Bloom, M.D., says there’s evidence that sexual activity is one brand of exercise that may promote brain function in elderly people, staving off senility.
But, aging has gotten a bum rap, at least in American society. In the Asian culture, it is quite the opposite. In China, for example, wrinkles and gray hair are evidence of wisdom. The elderly are sought out for advice. They are cared for by their children out of love and respect.
In the United States, however, the media often portray the elderly as feeble, forgetful and largely useless. Their children are often seen as struggling with the decision about when to put mom and dad in a nursing home when it becomes too difficult to care for them. Perceptions such as these make it especially difficult to combat the pervasive attitude that the elderly are – and should be – asexual.
Step4
Despite studies such as those by Masters and Johnson, prevailing negative images are all too often internalized by the elderly. Fortunately, my grandmother was not among them. Before she died, she handed me a book of erotic poetry, a book she wrote, about my grandfather. She made me promise never to show my mother saying, “She’ll never be old enough.” I never have.
And while I was shocked to find that my grandmother could have told Anais Nin a thing or two, I was happy that she had such an exciting sex life. She and my grandfather had been married almost 40 years when he passed away, and because of the deep connection they shared, I worried that she would follow him. So, when she took up with a younger man in his 70s, I was relieved. And when he confessed to me that they were sleeping together, I was downright delighted. I wanted to have her around as long as possible. I got my wish. When she died at age 96, as sassy as ever, I believed it was largely due to the love in her life.
Step5
Use It or Lose It
There is some truth to the old adage, “Use It or Lose It,” and it applies not only to the physical ability to have intercourse but also the desire.
“Not only does sex perhaps keep you living longer and certainly enjoying your life, there is some recent evidence in our urologic literature that the more you use your erection, the better it will become,” according to David Kaufman, M.D., of Columbia University. It has to do with the oxygenation of the smooth muscle that is the basis of an erection. The more sex you have, Kaufman said, the better the blood flow. The better the blood flow, the better the erection.
Some doctors prescribe Viagra to be taken on a nightly basis just to improve blood flow to the penis, according to Dagmar O’Connor, PhD, Columbia University. It improves oxygenation and, as a result, men have more and better spontaneous erections.
Step6
It’s a myth that the quality of sex declines with age, that menopause drains a woman of sexual vitality, that depression is inevitable. The reality is that, because many of the elderly are retired, they have time to experiment at leisure when they are not feeling tired. After years of companionship together and with no fear of pregnancy, Masters and Johnson have noted that for some elderly people, sexual activity improves. Women in good health who were able to have orgasms in their younger years can continue having orgasms until very late in life. In fact, some women begin to have orgasms for the first time as they grow older.
Granted there are illnesses and infirmities that sometimes preclude intercourse or make it more of a challenge. These events happen to younger people as well, but great sex is about more than intercourse. Sexual expression includes love, warmth and caring and involves language and touch.
“As they grow older, many couples stop having sex because they only consider intercourse,” O’Connor said. “I find that they both masturbate separately, so I say, ‘Well, why don't you bring that together and start having a sex life?’ And they say, ‘No, we must have intercourse.’ And I say, "How many more children you're planning to have?’ “
One of the most serious losses of aging is physical intimacy, according to Patricia Bloom, M.D., Mt. Sinai-New York University Medical Center. “I think that when you talk about sex with elderly people, you shouldn't focus just on intercourse, but on all of the other physical intimacies that people may derive great benefit from without necessarily engaging in intercourse.” Once they stop being intimate, it’s tough to begin again.
Step7
Medicinal and Mechanical Aids
Doctors need to guard against ageism and not assume that past a certain age, a person isn’t interested in sex, Bloom said. “Ask whether the person is sexually active. If so, are there any problems? If they're not sexually active, is that a problem for them?”
That opens the door for a discussion on sexuality and perhaps the diagnosis of a medical condition, that when treated, will allow this person to be more sexually active. Further, if a person needs medical or mechanical assistance, we need to let them know what’s available to them.
Erectile disfunction affects the young and old alike. Blood flow problems as the result of disease or injury can sometimes be improved with pharmaceuticals, Kaufman said. “Viagra was really just the first of the lot.”
So if the contraindications were there for you, the next drug coming down the pipeline may not pose the same risks.
And don’t overlook a plethora of sex toys that may add to your enjoyment including erection enhancers such as a cock ring, penis girth enhancer or a set of super-stretch tickler sleeves. These toys are all designed to slide onto your penis, providing a firm erection, sometimes with the added benefit of a bullet vibrator.
Step8
Two of the best products recommended by men with ED and their spouses are the Real Feel Penis Enhancer and a strap-on dildo. The enhancer is a Cyberskin sleeve with a bullet vibe at the base. The sleeve slips over a man’s penis and adds support and girth.
For even more support, length and girth, many strap-on dildos provide a hollow sleeve that fits over the penis. The Jelly Power Cock Strap-on comes with the added bonus of a built-in vibrator.
One woman whose husband suffers from diabetes and high blood pressure is an avid strap-on dildo fan. “The sex hasn't been this good since we were newlyweds in our 20s!” she wrote in her review of the product. “Now we both get satisfied every time. It saved our sex life and my sanity. A must-have for older couples experiencing erectile problems.”
Authority 
