How to Tolerate an Annoying Airplane Passenger

Everyone’s worst nightmare is getting stuck on an airplane next to a fat man who snores, farts, hogs the armrests and tries to convert you to a new religion. The second-worst nightmare is having a kid behind you who keeps kicking your seat. You can tolerate an annoying airline passenger with a little panache and a few simple steps.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Patience and tolerance
• Kind, but firm nature
• Little button to call the flight attendant
• Walkman or iPod with headphones

1. Start with the tolerance. Don’t be ready to jump down someone’s throat if their elbow is on the armrest. Only react to recurring annoyances.
2. Confront the passenger. In a polite, yet firm manner, ask the passenger to please refrain from doing whatever they are doing that annoys you.
3. Get help from the flight attendant. If your polite, yet firm manner made no dent, call over the flight attendant, and explain the annoying situation.
4. Bribe. This works well with kicking kids. Tell them if they don’t kick your seat until the end of the ride, you will give them a nickel.
5. Change seats. This may not be always possible, but it’s worth it to ask.

Tips & Warnings

• Usually a few kind words will get the person to stop what they are doing. Most passengers are not obnoxious boars and will refrain from bad behavior. Unless, of course, they are drunk.
• If the person just won’t shut up, put on some headphones, feign sleep or invest in the airplane headset to watch the movie.
• Even if you or the flight attendant can’t get the annoying passenger to stop being annoying, you can later write a letter to the airline and it may give you a free flight or something if your last flight was harrowing enough.
• Don’t threaten, cajole or yell at the person. This will just make anger go through the roof. On an airplane, that could be fatal.