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Step 1
Before approaching someone you'd like to meet, you may want to ask a mutual friend or acquaintance for a quick bio on that person or at least some basic information. If your friend clues you into any tough circumstances the person if currently facing, you'll know which conversations to avoid. Your friend might warn you ahead of time about the person's antagonistic disposition, but if it does come as a surprise, be patient during your interface. First impressions aren't always the right ones.
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Step 2
Approach the hostile person with a simple, cordial greeting. Trying to bully someone into conversation with a loud, clumsy and unconvincingly enthusiastic greeting may send the hostile person even further into attack mode.
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Step 3
First stick with non-threatening questions. Start gradually with neutral territory before heading in to personal matters. You can often figure out what kind of person someone is by his views on life which aren't necessarily personal or based on personal experience.
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Step 4
Establish trust by being attentive to the person's observations, receptive to comments directed at your life and diplomatic about any off-color statements he may make. Eventually, the person will notice that his rudeness or aggression is not doing him any good since it's not affecting you in the way he'd like it to--that is, it's not ticking you off. Don't reinforce bad behavior by getting defensive or mirroring his hostility.
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Step 5
Stay the hostile attitude if you're determined to find the real person. If you're lucky, the person's guard will eventually begin to erode under the pressure of your calm, even and active conversation.
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Step 6
Once you've established a degree of trust between you two, begin to tease out personal answers to your questions. Ask about the things that intrigued you in the first place. Let the person know how earnestly impressed you were with her recent book, lecture series or merger. Try not to sound like a groupie, however. Real charm has a strong component of dignity.
