How to Improvise in Social Situations

This sudden plunge into a swirl of unpredictable energy, maybe at a party or waiting for a bus with chatty strangers, can be exciting. It also makes many people nervous. You don't always know what motivates or offends people, or what to reveal or conceal about yourself. And, you might not be the only one who feels that way.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Assume that everyone shares the same good manners. Manners might vary if people are from other cultures, crazy, or so self-absorbed that they don't give a damn, but start by giving them the benefit of the doubt.
2. Engage in conversations, but not too deeply. If you visibly listen without speaking, things could get awkward. Committing fully to a conversation may obligate you when you'd rather not be obligated, or limit your options in the social situation. Keep it light and be ready for change.
3. If multiple conversations are happening around you, maybe you can pull a few of those threads together. It's a casual way of playing MC or matchmaker, and it feels good to know that you're responsible for getting people to talk with each other.
4. People make mistakes or use bad judgment. Nobody's perfect and not everyone is coming from the same place. The polite thing would be ignoring these lapses or avoiding whoever is responsible. And if it's too in-your-face to ignore, you might as well riff on it instead of taking offense. Treat it as a comical event or a point of general discussion. With the right balance of humor and good taste, you just might rescue the situation.
5. You make mistakes, too. Yes, you also can be clueless or inattentive. If you forget someone's name, say the wrong thing, spill your drink, get caught staring or otherwise screw up socially, turn it into a hearty joke on yourself. Doing this will lighten the mood, make you look like a good sport, and maybe even help divert attention from your faux pas.
6. Social improvisation is about turning any event into an excuse or subject change. If you need to make your exit, you can choose that reaction to a situational prompt, saying, "Oh, that reminds me..." or "Hey, I'd like to hear more about this, but..." Small, socially appropriate lies are acceptable among strangers. Whether or not they believe you, they're likely to understand.

Tips & Warnings

• Improvisation is very handy if you're the host. You can enter a conversation whenever you hear your name mentioned. You can excuse yourself when the phone or doorbell rings even if someone else is answering. You have things to check on and people to check in with. Nobody will notice if you stay in your comfort zone or act out your role by stretching the truth just a little bit.
• Unless you're a complete outsider, it's easy to know when someone else is being rude or otherwise inappropriate. Keep yourself from behaving that way, too.