How to Recognize if You are a Victim of Domestic Violence

If you're a victim of abuse, use a friend's phone to call for help if you have to.

According to some studies, 1 in 4 women will face domestic violence at some point in their lives. Recognize the warning signs before you become a statistic.

Things You'll Need

• An open mind
• Desire for a better life

Instructions

1. Take a hard look at how much control you have over your life. Abusers are controllers. They pick your clothes, friends and jobs; they tell you how to behave. As a victim, you have no privacy. The abuser reads your mail and listens in on phone conversations. He does not recognize you as a partner in the relationship. He always has to be right, and your opinions are devalued.

2. Take stock of your situation: Are you isolated? Abusers try to isolate their partners. They limit your contact with the outside word, especially the family members and friends you are closest to. Abusers have been known to even lock their victims inside the house. They always have to know where you are and what you are doing.

3. Look for a breakdown in communication. Abusers have difficulty with communication. They tend to monopolize the conversation, and there is no reasoning with them. When they don't get their way, they resort to tantrums and violent outbursts, often over something minor.

4. Hold on tight to your self esteem. Abusers love to belittle their victims. Because of their own insecurities, they feel better when they are putting you down. There is usually a list, written or mental, of things they do not like about their partner. They spend much time trying to correct these perceived flaws.

5. Remember the self-confidence you once had. Victims of domestic violence slowly begin to lose their self-confidence. Confident and intelligent women often get involved with the wrong person. If someone with a healthy sense of self worth starts to act insecure, abuse could be the reason.

6. Check your engagement calendar. An abused person often declines social invitations because it is easier than being embarrassed. The abuser enjoys humiliating his victim in public, often making it appear to be a joke.

7. Ask yourself who is at fault. An abuser never takes responsibility for his actions. It is always the victim's fault: "She made me do it." Eventually, the victim starts to believe the lies. She may cover up for the abuser, trying everything possible to make him happy. But nothing is ever enough or good enough. The cycle of abuse continues.

8. Stop being a servant. Partners of an abuser usually feel more like a servant than a husband or wife. It is not talked about as much, but men can also be the victim of domestic violence. The abuser makes all the major decisions and handles the money. The victim feels like a child asking for an allowance.

9. Look for physical clues. Abuse victims often wear long-sleeve shirts and make excuses for the cuts and bruises they are unable to hide. They also rearrange their homes frequently and get new furniture frequently. During fits of uncontrolled anger, the abuser smashes everything in sight. But studies have shown they do not destroy their own property.

10. Trust your feelings. Most victims know they are being abused. They don't like the way things are, but they don't know how to get out of the relationship. Abuse can range from a hurtful comment to violence or even murder. You will know when you are being abused by how it makes you feel about yourself.

Tips & Warnings

• Help is available.

• Don't be afraid to get involved if you suspect abuse.

• Children growing up in abusive homes usually become abusers

• Partners who abuse their spouses will probably also abuse their children

• An abused partner who leaves often is still at risk of violence.

• Get help and have a plan before you leave.

• Restraining orders help, but don't always work.

References

• WebMD: Signs of Domestic Violence
• Illinois Department of Public Health: Facts About Domestic Violence

Resources

• Read this Article in Spanish
• New Beginnings: Abusive Personality Signs