How to Set the Stage for Seduction (for Men)

You cried at the chick-flick, you laughed at her jokes, your gay friends selected your wardrobe, and you said please and thank you. But when you got her back to your place, she made an excuse and bailed after just ten minutes. Dude, WTF?

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Consider this: Your apartment may be full of chick Kryptonite. So look around. Are there posters of any females (other than Frida Kahlo) on your walls? Sorry, dudes—the ****cat Dolls have to come down. Would you like it if we had pictures of Joachim Phoenix hanging over our futons? Hide your jerk-off material in a drawer like we do.
2. Now, inhale. Take a good, long whiff. You still might not smell anything, but women are hyper-sensitive to gross odors. So when you go out, leave a window open—and when you get home with your date, casually light a few candles. Yes, the scented kind. No, that won't turn you gay. In fact, a few vanilla-scented votives might just be enough to render your Dolls poster obsolete.
3. But even a sweet scent won’t cut it if you don’t hit on a few other key factors. Is your drooly dog going to hump her leg? Did you eat anything that made you gassy? Did you shut off your cell phone? Are your sheets clean?
4. Which brings me to final "Should I stay or should I go?" chick factor: the lighting. Think of us as vampires: We hate bright, glaring overhead light because frankly, it shows every single flaw. If you want to get us naked, invest in a dimmer switch and learn how to use it. Indirect lamp light is good, but candle light is even better. You're not doing open-heart surgery—a little mystery goes a long way in making us feel comfortable in our skivvies in front of you.
5. A chick-friendly crib is as much a turn-on for us as your good manners, your stylish duds, and your excellent taste in movies. Make your apartment a place where we feel comfy, and we just be willing to hang out for a while (though we won’t promise not to hog the covers).

Tips & Warnings

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