How to Cope With Birthday During Infertility

Birthdays can be painful days for people who are struggling with infertility. Because birthdays are milestones in our lives, each birthday that passes without a baby is a reminder of our infertility losses. You might find yourself making the same wish over the birthday candles year after year, which makes the absence of the baby you long for even more glaring. Here is how to cope with your birthday during infertility.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Self-nurturing

1. Plan something special for your birthday. Give yourself something to look forward to that takes your focus off another year passing without a baby on the way. Whether your plan is eating out at a nice restaurant or taking a weekend getaway, make sure it is something that will make you happy when you think about your plans.
2. Acknowledge the good things in your life. People who are struggling with infertility have a tendency to see their lives as "all bad" because they do not have the child that they deeply desire. However, you likely have good things going on in your life, such as a good marriage, fun friends or a rewarding career. Take time to celebrate the good things that have happened in the past year.
3. Meet your friends for lunch. Laughing with friends or crying on their shoulders can be very therapeutic as your birthday approaches. Choose friends who are likely to lift your spirits rather than those who are more likely to drag you down.
4. Set aside time to grieve. It is normal to think about how disappointed (or devastated) you are to face another birthday without a baby on the way. Give yourself permission to cry, punch pillows and do anything else to help you process your emotions.
5. Receive well wishes from others. When people are in pain, they tend to push away the good intentions of others. Make an effort to receive well wishes. If someone wants to take you out for your birthday, then accept the invitation. Try to let their love for you help you feel better about yourself.

Tips & Warnings

• Telling your friends that you are having a rough time will give them the opportunity to help you get through your birthday. Sometimes our friends will not connect the dots unless we tell them directly that we are hurting.
• Consider skipping fertility treatments during your birthday month. Having a bad headache from hormones or learning that the latest round of fertility treatments did not work is guaranteed to make your birthday unpleasant. Give yourself the gift of taking the month off.