How to Take a "Sideways" Wine Tour

A proper re-enactment of the movie "Sideways" requires one wine connoisseur traveling with one same-sex friend who knows nothing about wine to the Central Coast wineries in California. This week-long journey of eating and drinking is sure to cause a deep bond and lasting memories.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Make your first stop on Sunday at the Sanford Winery via the Santa Rose exit off Highway 1. Teach your friend all the steps for proper wine tasting at this first stop.
2. Get a room with double beds at the Days Inn in Buellton. Walk over to the Hitching Post II to have dinner and try some of their wines. First have a glass in the bar while you wait for your table; return to the bar after you've eaten to have another drink. Chat up a waitress for the full effect.
3. Eat breakfast on Monday at the Solvang Restaurant, then head to Kalyra and taste several wines. Keep in mind that you'll be driving back to Buellton, so leave ample time to detox before driving. Have dinner in Los Olivos at the Los Olivos Café & Wine Merchant. As you drive back, break some really important and devastating news to your friend.
4. Plan to go golfing together at the River Course at the Alisal in Solvang on Tuesday. If plans break down because one of you meets someone, that's perfect. Go with it. Make sure the three of you go bowling on Tuesday night at the Ocean Lanes in Lompoc. Go golfing on Wednesday morning and pick a fight with some other golfers at the River Course. Tour the Firestone Winery in the afternoon and then visit Ostrich Land to have a picnic.
5. Go to the Fess Parker Winery on Thursday. Cause a scene at the winery and drink from the spit bucket when your server refuses to pour you a full glass. Drive to Gaviota State Beach via the 101 to reminisce about your week. Head back to the hotel and sit in the hot tub. Have dinner at AJ Spurs.
6. Visit the Lompoc Farmer's Market on Friday afternoon. This is out of order from the movie, but it's only open from 2 to 6 pm on Fridays. Drive back to Los Angeles via the 101 South, having accomplished a full "Sideways" tour.

Tips & Warnings

• Other necessary stops are the Andrew Murray Vineyards, the Foxen Winery and an emergency room.