How to Help Kids Cope With the Loss of a Pet

Losing a pet is a painful experience for adults, but for children it can be devastating. Often the pet who has passed away is a friend who has been with the child most of his life, or perhaps since the day he was born. Losing a beloved pet is a first experience with death for most children, and it can leave them sad and shaken. While nothing can take away that pain, there are some things we can do to help our children get through this difficult time.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Willingness to talk and listen
• Paper and crayons

1. Talk with your child freely about how you are feeling. She needs to know that she is not alone in her grief. Share happy memories with her about your pet, as well as your own feelings of loss. Spend time looking at old pictures of your pet together. Reassure her that while death isn't easy, it is a normal and natural part of life, part of the wonder and mystery our experience. Depending on your personal beliefs, you might want to introduce the idea that your pet's spirit has gone on to another place where he is safe and healthy.

2. Encourage your child to share his feelings. Accept whatever he is feeling as a natural part of grieving. It may take time before he wants to talk with you about his loss, but if you are open and patient he will turn to you when he is ready.

3. Allow your child closure. Sometimes when we shield children from death, it never feels quite real to them and they almost expect their pet to come home again at any minute. If your pet has died while your child is at home, you may want to allow her a moment with the body to say goodbye. Having a backyard "funeral" is another way to help your child say goodbye. Let her invite friends who also loved this pet. Give her a chance speak about the life of her pet and perhaps say a prayer.

4. Children are often not as squeamish about death as adults. Don't be surprised if you find your child tenderly stroking the fur of a pet that has just passed on, or cradling the box with the ashes of a pet who died months ago. This is not abnormal behavior, just your child's way of processing his loss.

5. Encourage your child to express his feelings about her lost pet through art, or if she is old enough, though writing. A "message board memorial" is a great way to do this. Put up a large piece of drawing paper on your refrigerator. You, your children and their friends can draw pictures of your lost pet, and write final messages such as "we love you and miss you, and we hope you are happy now."

6. Reassure your child that time is a great healer, and that love is stronger than pain. Let him know that while it may not seem that way right now, a day will come when thoughts of his lost pet will bring more smiles than tears.