How to Forgive Your Parents and Get Along With Them

Everyone has a tendency to remember the bad things that have happened in their life; this especially pertains to one's childhood memories. For those of us that tend to blame our parents for one thing or another (or many), here are some tips to what may lead to finally getting along with Mom and Dad.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Inner strength
• Resolve to look forward, not backward
• A great sense of forgiveness
• Empathy

1. Throughout this attempt, you must realize that no matter how it seems on the surface, your parents really, deep down, love you unconditionally and only want you to be happy.
2. Resolve to start over. If you have had your differences and fought in the past, be the bigger person and let it all go. Maybe your parents can't do this, and really do want to get along with you. Maybe it would make their day only to be able to hear your voice, if only for a few moments, and for you to wish them well. If you have children of your own, just think about what it would feel like if once they were grown they didn't call and grew distant from you. Now, put yourself in your parents' shoes. Once short phone call or message can make all the difference to them! You could even send them a card for no reason. Imagine how that would make you feel, coming from your own child.
3. Give your mom or dad a call. Before you call, decide on a topic to discuss that you know they really love. Then only talk about that subject. Maybe it's the grandkids, for example. Whatever you do, don't bring up anything from the past. Remember, you are letting go. If your parent brings it up, act bored and change the subject. Here is where you need to be real strong and convicing.
4. The more you communicate with your parents on good terms, the easier it will be to let go of your past and stop blaming them (even if they were at fault) for bad memories. Most people also have good memories of their childhood and with their parents, so bring those memories out. You could even write them down and keep the list with you when you call or get in touch with your parents. Did your parents ever give you a gift? Help you with something? Take you on a trip? Let you have friends over? Did they ever forgive you for something you did that you shouldn't have? Those are all good reasons to love your parents.
5. The biggest thing to remember through all of this is that we are all only human. We all have made mistakes, and our parents are not perfect. Now that you are reading this, you have made an effort to change things for the better. You ARE the bigger person already. Chances are, your parents will not live longer than you. Don't wait to take these steps and get along with them, because once they are gone, you may regret it and never feel that you will have that chance again. If you resolve your issues now and forgive them for everything, you will have no regrets and know that you have given them the greatest gift in return for having you... unconditional love.

Tips & Warnings

• This article may be easy or difficult depending on each situation, of course. A person whose parents did nothing but, say, forget their birthday, needs to put things into perspective and realize that many have suffered abusive parents. Even those whose parents have done worse can also try to forgive by either recognizing that things could have been even worse, or that humans sometimes cannot control their behavior and do things they regret later.
• This article is obviously meant for those cases that are not extreme, and where a person has the strength and resolve to go beyond their emotions to make things better. It may help to discuss the past with a neutral third party who does not intimately know you or your parents, to help you let go of the past. In those discussions, dwelling on bad times or feeling like a victim may only make things worse. Have them help you to focus on good times and the virtues of your parents.
• If you tried and these tips do not help, try only communicating with your parents by writing and not directly. Send them an upbeat message or card once a week for a while. This can also do wonders.
• The only warning I have is that if you give up too easily, you may regret things in the future. Just watch the movie,"The Namesake" and you will see what I mean.
• If doing any of the above causes more pain or blame than before, you may need to see a family counselor to get professional help.
• Do not use alcohol, drugs (prescription or recreational) or other artificial means to relax before contacting your parents, as this may backfire in the long run.