How to Prepare Your Parent for Living in a Long Term Care Facility

Our parents represent our youth, as we remain forever young in their eyes. When the time come to pass the torch, and switch roles (we parent our parents); a little part of us dies. Healthy individuals want to maintain their independence. We admire the elderly who hold on to their independence. Many years ago Margaret Mead discussed "warehousing our elderly," in reference to convalescent care. In many countries in the world these facilities do not exist; the elderly are cared for by their families and live their lives out in the community in which they are familiar. In some cultures within the United States grand-mother is a care-taker, particularly in single parent homes. In the United States, where in many cases two incomes are necessary, there is often be no one to care for a dependent elderly. When our elderly become sick, and we can't afford to take care of them, many are forced into long term care. This is a sad day for everyone. There are times when long term care can be a blessing because it provides safety and security for the person we love. Let's discuss some times in which long-term placement can be an appropriate choice.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Guidance in choosing an appropriate facility
• Honest and loving communication with your parent
• A plan for consistent visitation with your parent

Letting Go With Love

1. If your parent is residing alone and is at risk of injury from falls, it may be time to consider placement in a long-term care facility. When an elderly person falls and breaks a hip the prognosis can become complicated, especially, if he contracts pneumonia.

2. If you are caring for your parent and she suffers from incontinence, it may become time to consider a transitional living arrangement. There are a number of facilities that offer step down living arrangements from independent living to convalescent care.

3. If your parent's cognitive abilities are changing and he can no longer maintain independence, it may be time to consider a long-term care facility. A complete assessment to determine whether Alzheimer's Disease or another form of dementia is present may be necessary. It is also important to complete a differential diagnosis to determine whether it is depression or a dementia. If depression is present, with appropriate care the cognitive status may clear and eliminate the need for placement.

4. The choice of available facilities may be dictated by available finances. If your parent is living on social security and has no other resource, it is important to get on a wait list in a better facility and take an opening when it comes rather than be forced into a lesser facility.

5. If your parent has a home, you may need to sell the home in order to provide for your parent's care. It is important to be able to communicate with your parent about her desires for long-term care so she can discuss her wishes.

6. In looking for a facility, try to find one that you would feel comfortable visiting often. If you aren't comfortable there, the likelihood of your parent being comfortable is not too strong. Visit it at different times, and observe staff members to see how they care for patients.

7. Allow your parent time to express his feelings about this very important life transition. Even in an individual with dementia, time to express feelings at what ever level possible is critical to adjustment. To parents who are functioning at a high cognitive level, openly express your emotions. Communicating your respect for a beloved parent even with recognition of diminished functioning can do a lot to ease the pain of letting go!

8. Make a plan with your parent for weekly outings, if possible. If you cannot leave the facility with your parent make a least a weekly visit special--a tea party, for example--or engage in something that is familiar that he would have done in his home.

9. Allow your parent to talk about death and her concerns, what type of service she wants, and share your love with her. Anger can be a natural response in both of you. If the anger shows any potential risk for harm, seek professional support for yourself or your parent.

Tips & Warnings

• Involve your parent in the decision as much as is possible.
• Allow parents to pick the facility within their or your financial plans.
• Ask their feelings and opinions over the process and openly discuss limitations and choices.
• Be considerate and respectful and allow your love to be expressed.
• If is alright to discuss feelings of sadness; your parent will appreciate your honesty and perhaps find a way to still parent you in the process.
• Frequent visits can help ease the transition for you and your parent.
• If your parent's level of anger is becoming rageful, set limits and boundaries.
• If you are dissatisfied with the facility or the staff utilize ombudsman services and file a complaint.
• Visits to long-term care facilities can be difficult for children; use your best judgment.
• Flu and virus can be particularly risky to the frail elderly, so don't visit if you are not feeling well--call instead.

Resources

• www.lifespandevelopmentcenter.com

[maraiya]

on 10/9/2009 This is a good article. Many people are in this position and are struggling with it emotionally and trying to figure out what to do. I used to believe it was awful to send someone to a nursing home because too many of those places are abusive to patients. However, I have come to understand the need for these places and know when it is time to do this and when it is not time to do it. I take care of an elderly woman who wants to retain her home and independence.