How to Accept Your Transgendered Child

Imagine being stuck in a world in which you are never truly comfortable in your own skin. This is at the core of being a transgendered individual. As a parent we want to love, nurture and protect our children. It is extremely confusing to find your child's self-perception is not congruent with their gender. Whether the transition is from he to she or the opposite, you may feel you are losing your child. All the while, your child may be feeling this is their only chance to live a "normal" life.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Endocrinologist who specializes in transgender issues
• Therapist trained in transgender issues

1. Know that many children who struggle with sexual identity issues are aware of this from the time they are quite young. Frequently, they do not mention it because they do not want to disappoint their parent.

2. Being transgendered (gender identity issues) is different than being a transvestite (the individual experiences sexual arousal from cross dressing). In the child who struggles with gender identity issues they repeatedly desire or feel they are of the opposite sex.

3. Be aware that in play, the child who experiences gender identity issues have persistent fantasies of being the opposite sex. They may have a strong preference for playmates of the opposite sex. As they enter their teens they may feel jealous of the opposite sex and feel lonely because they desire to be included in the circle of friends. The psycho-sexual developmental changes create tension that can and contribute to the stress and loneliness.

4. Know that as the child develops he or she has an aversion to their sexual development and a desire for it to be removed, because it accents their incongruence. Adolescence is a confusing period for everyone without the complications of gender identity confusion.

5. Be aware that some children are born with an inter-sex condition (determined by endocrinological tests); and posses characteristics of both genders. Even under these circumstances a preference may persist in the child and a strong identity of relating to the gender opposite to one assigned, or developed.

6. Consider that gender identity confusion can result in extreme disturbance in social, occupational or other areas of functioning. The child may feel as if they are always living a lie.

Tips & Warnings

• Tell your child you love him or her by using the congruent pronoun when speaking in public.
• Help you child improve their appearance and fit in with the gender to which they are transitioning.
• Assist your child in securing photo I.D. that is in agreement with their gender.
• Take your child shopping to purchase articles of clothing that match their identity.
• If your child is enter or re-entering a school environment seek the support of school guidance to ease the transition.
• Help your child cope with critical input from friends and relations and put your child's needs as a priority.
• If you feel your child may be in physical harm, due to gender issue seek necessary support to teach them self protection.
• Work with a experienced therapist to help your child learn appropriate assertion skills, and ways to deal with confrontation or aggression.
• Preventing your child from living a gender congruent life may lead to depression in your child.
• At an extreme, the depression may place your child at risk for suicide.

Resources

• www.lifespandevolpmentcenter.com

[mydamnhair]

on 7/29/2009 clear and informative, supportive advice which is great to have :)