How to Decide Whether or Not to Get a Divorce

Deciding to divorce is one of the most stressful situations in life for couples and families. There are many relational aspects to consider. At the top for many couples is the financial consideration. Unfortunately, this in many cases will supersede emotional needs. Another paramount concern is safety which can affect the health and welfare of the family. If there are children involved, the impact of change on the children is a major consideration. Beyond this, secondary reasons such as lack of common interest, unhappiness, lack of communication and a host of other reasons may lead to a couple thinking about divorce. Exploring some of the issues presented below may help clarify your thinking.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Divorce doesn't necessarily resolve problems that were present in the relationship. Sometimes people repeat patterns of behavior, or if they share children and have to co-parent the problems don't just go away! Look at all your options, including but not limited to separation.

2. If safety is an issue in the marriage make sure you have adequate support (emotional and financial) if you are planning to leave.

3. In families in which domestic violence is occurring the risk for repeated violence increases during periods of separation or divorce, particularly when the person is attempting to leave the situation or relationship.

4. If possible, preplan your finances before leaving so that if you want to stay out of the marriage you will not have to return.

5. Do not engage in idle threats; if you are going to leave, leave! Don't just threaten to leave.

6. Do not engage in a revolving door of going in and out of the marriage, especially if there are children involved.

7. Consider your family needs, and write a list to help clarify your thoughts.

8. Ask yourself how a divorce will help improve your life; write out the pros and cons. If the pros for leaving far out weight the reasons to stay or if there is a significant reason to leave, you might want to pursue a divorce.

Tips & Warnings

• If possible, exhaustively talk with your partner about what is best for your family.
• Talk with a therapist trained in family counseling and receive feedback on your options and choices.
• Consult a paralegal or attorney to consider all your options and to project what are your expected outcomes.
• Don't stay in a marriage just so you don't look like a failure; that isn't a good enough reason and it will cost you in the end.
• If you have any safety risks with leaving create a safety plan with a professional advocate.
• Place your families' happiness as a priority; if seeking a divorce is what will be the healthiest choice, get a divorce.
• Don't waste your life being unhappy!
• Don't use the children as an excuse for staying in an unhappy or unhealthy marriage.
• Secure adequate support so that you and the children can make a healthy transition if you choose to divorce.

Resources

• www.lifespandevelopmentcenter.com

[jesus09]

on 2/28/2009 Try this book also b4 you call it OVER please it helped me

[jesus09]

on 2/28/2009 LOVE NEVER gives up ...O i don't love him/her well folks love is not a feeling it is a choice then the feelings will come choose to love and dont leave your spouse behind remain faithful to FOR BETTER OR WORST forgot the worst was in there huh well check yourself b4 you get to place blame and I can tell U now it is something you have done OR didnt do DON'T expect perfection from imperfect people OK please work on your marriage it hurts more than you when you give up so please LOVE til there is nothing left then love 100% more so you can say you did all you can do and if the spouse still is FULL OF PRIDE or SELFCENTERNESS and still goes for the divorce when judgement day comes and it will U can say u did all you were suppose to do ...LOVE U hope this help you see it another way