How to Listen to Your Kids

As parents, how often do we complain that our kids just don't listen? Yet listening is a two-way street. If we want our kids to listen to us, and if we want to be able to understand them, we have to learn to listen to them, too.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Create opportunities for sharing. If you pick your child up from school or afterschool activities, you could try to talk in the car. If this doesn't work, try walking the dog together, visiting for a few moments at bedtime, or checking in by phone every afternoon.
2. Listen to your child's body language. Sometimes she may be too upset or confused to verbalize her emotions, but her actions will be able to communicate to you a great deal of what she is feeling.
3. Repeat back what your child says when he speaks to you instead of jumping in with questions. If he tells you that he and his best friend Alfonso have had a fight, just repeat back something along the lines of "So you and Alfonso are having some problems..." rather than asking what happened or whose fault it was.
   
   You want him to know you are aware of his concern, but that you respect his desire to share as many (or as few) of the details with you as he feels comfortable doing.
4. Avoid rash judgment. Your child will be reluctant to share with you if she knows you're just going to start in with the criticism or even what you may consider to be helpful suggestions. If she wants your opinion or advice, she will ask for it. What she needs, though, is to know she is safe to share her feelings without fear of a scolding.
5. Minimize the distractions when your child is in the mood to share: turn off the TV, ignore the phone and the computer. The only exception to this rule is if your child himself feels more comfortable opening up if he has something else to look at. Sometimes it's hard to say certain things while looking someone right in the face. Make sure all of your attention is on him, though, even if he may appear to have half of his focus somewhere else.