How to Discuss Puberty With Your Child

Most parents start dreading having to have "the talk" with their children long before puberty is even a factor in the lives of their children. However, it is something that every parent will eventually have to do. It doesn't have to be a one time discussion that includes how and when to have sex. It can be a gradual decent into many informative discussions between parent and child about the development of the body. It is important that you are prepared and comfortable and only give age appropriate information when it is time to have this much dreaded "talk" with your adolescent child. Just know that you can do it, just like the many nervous parents have before you.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Resource books
• Quiet calm place to talk
• Time set aside for just you and your child
• Patience and Understanding
• Advice and support from friends, doctor or pediatrician, clergy or anyone you feel comfortable talking to

1. Prepare yourself in advance of talking with your child. Make sure that you have the answers to any questions you are unsure of. Read books, talk to your child's pediatrician, talk to a relative or friend that has already had this talk with their child. It will be much easier on you if you feel confident in the information you are providing.

2. Make sure that when you decide to have "the talk" with your child that you can a give the child one-on-one uninterrupted attention and make sure that there are no other distractions for the child. This needs to be a time when you and the child are able to talk openly and comfortably.

3. Give correct information when you are discussing puberty with your adolescent child. It is important that you give them accurate and honest information no matter how uncomfortable it is for either of you because the right information will help them to be prepared and in the long run it will make the upcoming changes much less scary to deal with because they were prepared. You are not helping the child by leaving out uncomfortable details. By enlightening them to what is going to happen you are allowing them to not only prepare themselves to deal with the events but you will be able to answer any questions they may have about them as well as relieve any fears they may have about them.

4. Explain to the child how their body will be changing and reassure the child that it is completely normal. Also explain that it is normal for changes to happen over different periods of time and at different ages and stages in different children. Not every child will experience the stages of puberty at the same time or pace and that is completely normal and expected.

5. Encourage your child to talk to you about anything, whether it is questions or fears. Reassure the child that you are there and willing to talk about anything they may want to discuss. Don't always wait for the child to come to you. Periodically set aside time to talk to your child about the next stage of development and ask about the child's feelings and fears about puberty and their ever-changing bodies and emotions.

6. Stop and remember how hard that time was for you when you were going through puberty. Let the child know that you understand, even if you don't understand their exact feeling at that very moment you know how it is to go through those changes. Be careful not to pity the child but let him/her know that you are there and understand what they are going through. Remember how you felt "out of control" and talk to the child about those fluctuating emotions. Remind them it is the hormone spurts in their body and that they are not "crazy" or "out of control".
   
   Reassure them that it is normal. Make sure to listen to and validate your child's feelings no matter how silly they seem to you. Even if you don't agree with the child, listen to his or her feelings and let them know you heard and understood them and then try to explain why you don't agree. Don't ever tell them that their "feelings" are wrong. Validate their feelings.

7. Take time to say "I love you" and give a hug every single day. Even if the child refuses to say it back or acts like it is disgusting. They are struggling with all the changes that their body is going through and they do need to know that you are there and love them regardless of how obnoxious, rude, hateful or awkward they are, so, even when they don't reciprocate, show them love and affection. They may not even realize how much they need to know you are there for them, but they do. And eventually they will appreciate that you "stuck with them" through it all.

Tips & Warnings

• If you are unsure of any part of puberty or the stage or development of it, consult a doctor or someone that can give you correct answers. It's ok to be unsure, but it is vital that you are giving the correct information to your child.
• It is imperative that you have the "puberty" discussion with the child before they start puberty, especially girls. They need to be prepared before their first period occurs.