How to Turn 50 Ungracefully

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By Carla Lucas
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You are about to be a half-century old. That's 50 years old. It's a milestone, one of the big ones. You're wondering how you will react to this one day in your life. If you are one of those people who really isn't ready for it, read below for ways to turn 50 ungracefully.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Step 1

Start complaining, worrying, and obsessing about the fact that you will turn 50 any time after your 45th birthday. The closer it comes to your actual 50th birthday, complain louder and more frequently.
Step 2

Do not "dress your age." For women, wear tight clothing that exposes way more than the average middle-aged person. If you have a daughter, borrow her clothes or buy things similar to what she is wearing, such as that scanty midriff. For men, "island wear" and jewelry seem to be the favorite items that show you do not want to turn 50 gracefully.
Step 3

Stop acting your age. Continue in contact sports where injuries to your body are possible, even likely. Find a new hobby that involves risk. Spend your free time in the same hangouts as the 20- and 30-somethings.
Step 4

Remember that, as the saying goes, "50 is the new 40." So wait 10 years before you really start worrying about being 50. Then start complaining.

Tips & Warnings

Just remember no matter what you do there's nothing you can do to change the basic fact that you have lived for 50 years. If you prefer to face the music and embrace this milestone, see the related article, "How to Turn 50 Gracefully."