How to Play Kingdom of Loathing as a Turtle Tamer

"Kingdom of Loathing:" It's a Parody. It's an RPG. It's stick figures. It's essentially one of the silliest, most addictive little games on the Internet, with six glorious character classes to choose from. If you want to be a Turtle Tamer, you need these tips.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Computer
• Internet Connection

1. Adopt a Turtle Tamer philosophy. Turtle Tamers know that slow and steady win the race. They boast a number of defensive skills and other useful skills, ranging from unstoppable attacks to familiar enhancers. As a Turtle Tamer, you can probably survive longer than your opponent.
2. Recognize man's best friend. Turtle Tamers have two skills which boost your familiar weight by 5 pounds. Amphibian Sympathy is passive and considered by many to be the best skill in the game. Empathy of the Newt costs mana to keep running, so you should use it only strategically. The combination of these two means that a decent combat familiar (misshapen skeleton or cocoabo) will be helping you quite a bit.
3. Play passive defense. Skin of the Leatherback is a cheap skill to buy, but automatically reduces all the damage you take based on your level, a must for all tamers. Hero of the Halfshell allows shields to defend with Muscle instead of Moxie, a tremendous defense boost for any muscle class. Tao of the Terrapin doubles the power of your armor, but is not attainable until level 15. A Turtle-Tamer with all three of these skills will not take much damage.
4. Don't forget to butt-butt-butt. Turtle Tamers have an interesting trio of skills in Headbutt, Kneebutt, and Shieldbutt. Kneebutt can stun an opponent, and Shieldbutt never misses (although you need a shield equipped). More impressively, all of the butts can be used in the same combat round at the cost of more mana, meaning you can autohit, have a chance to stun and do lots of damage. Pricey, but sometimes worth it.
5. Know the other skills. Armorcraftiness will let you smith powerful armor that does not drop, such as the mightly Chrome Helmet Turtle. Astral Shell offers elemental resistance and defense, making it worthwhile (while Ghostly Shell is mostly not).
6. Pick your approach. Get Skin of the Leatherback and Sympathy as soon as possible. If you're not in a rush, grab turtle pheromones from your guild and find turtles to aid Armorcraftiness. You'll want a shield equipped whenever possible, to take advantage of Shieldbutt's autohit (and later, Hero of the Halfshell's defense). If you have a familiar that restores your HP and a few defense skills, you probably won't lose much HP. If you do, just use all the butts, and the enemies will fall on theirs.
7. Choose what to keep. Amphibian Sympathy may well be the best skill in the game. If you aren't going to be a Tamer again, take it. If you are going to be a Tamer again, Hero of the Halfshell is recommended to make your shielded self invulnerable. And of course, Tao of the Terrapin is always useful.

Tips & Warnings

• Headbutt does double damage with helmet turtles. Armorcraftiness lets you create the Chrome Helmet Turtle with +5 to all stats and 120 power. Take advantage of this.
• Don't overspend. Yes, you can kill everything by using all the Butts at once, but you'll soon run out of mana. Better to take a small, reduced amount of healable damage.

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