Things You'll Need:
- Strong communication with your parent
- Enormous patience
- Additional time to advocate on your parent's behalf
- Respect and honesty
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Step 1
It is difficult-–at times, even uncomfortable-–to broach safety and health concerns with an aging parent. It is not uncommon for them to react defensively. If you can prepare for that reaction you will more easily establish a calm and reasonable discussion on the issue. Give him some time and opportunity to absorb your concerns. This is one of life’s most pivotal turning points and it is not easy for the elderly nor will it be easy for you as you grow closer to being in his shoes. Try to empathize without patronizing. It’s threading a needle emotionally, but with a selfless priority you can navigate the inevitable.
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Step 2
Don’t be tempted to bring up all the highly personal areas that need to be arranged at once. For example, if you talk to your parent about why living alone has become a serious health and safety risk, do not throw in the need to take over her bank account, examine her will, or other long term and very private matters. Relinquishing one’s independence is far easier to internalize and accept if it can come gradually rather than like a speeding bullet.
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Step 3
In considering whether your aging parent should be living alone, you will need to make a list of all the issues that cause you genuine daily concern. If there are serious health issues, point out clearly to your parent why this is so problematic in your opinion. As a way of allowing a third and objective voice to weigh in, make time to go with your parent to her next physician’s appointment. Both of you can voice your opinions and concerns. This open communication is essential, therefore, be careful not to let him feel he’s simply being outnumbered. This would get about the same response as if you had spoken with his doctor behind his back. This decision affects your parent, they have ever right to speak on their own behalf.
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Step 4
If your parent has exhibited signs of dementia, Alzheimer’s disease, or other uncharacteristic behavior that could be potentially dangerous, you have no choice but to find the way to have meaningful dialog with her about your concerns. Again, expect denial, resentment, or even anger but do not let the issue go ignored. The elderly often feel embarrassed by this problem and almost certainly will be frightened by it. Keep her physician informed of any increases in symptoms, but be sure your parent knows you plan to have that discussion and why. Encourage him to give his input to the discussion so the doctor can give him the most complete care possible.
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Step 5
Be mindful of patterns of change. Notice when he is having more problem days because of health issues. Notice when and if he becomes more forgetful of common things or begins to place items in strange places; for example, car keys in the refrigerator. Take time to really look at your aging parent regularly. Take note of any weigh loss or gain, any signs of depression, any marked fatigue or acute changes in appetite and sleep patterns. These are important warnings that signal your parent's need for a strong advocate.
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Step 6
No matter how old we become or how our health and mind may falter, none of us wants our individuality taken from us. We have lived a lifetime to earn the right to our privacy and our opinions. When the time comes that we can no longer remain independent, we will go more gracefully to the next phase of our journey if we have a loving advocate on our side, and if we are allowed to retain our views and our dignity.
