How to Become a True Comic Book Geek

Comic book fans come in all sizes and shapes. They are different races and have different religions and sexual orientations. There are as many different kinds of comic book fans as there are comics to choose from. However, if you want to fulfill the general public’s stereotype of the true comic book geek, here are some steps to follow.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Comic books, lots and lots of comic books!
• Comic-related merchandise such as toys, posters and statues

1. Be a man…or at least a male. There have been some documented sightings of female comic book geeks, but these creatures are rare indeed. Female geeks also have an easier time finding a mate than their male counterparts, and this mating disqualifies them from being a true geek.

2. Move into your parents' basement, or the basement of an understanding relative. This will allow you to budget more of your funds towards comic books and less on frivolous things such as rent, mortgage and utilities.

3. Spend the majority of your income on comic books and comic-related merchandise. Cutting out non-essential items such as new clothes that actually match and fit you well will allow you to spend more on your hobby.

4. Remember that bathing more than once a week is just overkill, especially on weeks when a lot of good books come out and you need that extra time to read.

5. Stop shaving, especially if you can’t grow a decent beard. If you can grow a decent beard, by all that’s holy, don’t trim it!

6. Forget about watching your weight as this only distracts you from reading comics. Eating lots of fast food gives you more time to read comic books and then complain about them on Internet blogs.

7. Spend a lot of time complaining about what you’ve read on Internet blogs.

8. Become obsessed with sex but do not under any circumstances have sex…at least with a partner.

9. Haunt your local comic book shop on new comic day. Discuss every topic dear to you with the employee who seems least interested in what you have to say.

10. Be first in line for every comic-themed movie released so you can be the first to complain about all the things the movie got wrong.

11. Track the value of your comic book collection religiously, even though you have no plans to sell any of them.

12. Fill your head with useless comic book trivia. Knowing the issue in which Doctor Doom first appeared is much more important than remembering your address. Besides, your address is printed on your driver’s license if you really need it.

Tips & Warnings

• It is perfectly fine to eat a meal while reading a comic; but, by the beard of Odin, make sure you spill the food on your clothes and not your prized collectible issue.
• When you meet a comic book professional, remember that they want to know exactly how much you love or hate their work. They are also dying to know how you would handle your favorite characters.
• Halloween was made for wearing an embarrassing, ill-fitting costume!
• Hey, have you seen the TV show “Heroes”?
• Doctor Doom first appeared in Fantastic Four #5, which had a publication date of July 1962.
• Sure, there are drawbacks to being a comic book geek, but do you really care?