How to Monitor a Teen's Cell Phone Use

Trust between parents and teenagers is a delicate balancing act. They want freedom; parents want safety. With cell phones now offering Internet access, text messaging and email in addition to acutal phone use, teens have even more options to express themselves. Parents have even more reason for concern. Somewhere between forbidding them to have a cell phone and giving them unmonitored access are safe and reasonable compromises. Read on to learn more.

Difficulty:

Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need

• Continuing communication with your teen
• Itemized list of charges and usage for cell phone
• Additional monitoring services, if needed

1. Trust between parents and teenagers is a delicate balancing act. They want freedom, parents want safety. With cell phones now offering Internet access, text messaging and email in addition to phone use, teens have even more options to connect with one another. Parents have even more reason for concern. Somewhere between forbidding them to have a cell phone and giving them unmonitored access are safe and reasonable compromises.

2. Have the conversation with your teen before saying no to a cell phone or before buying them the latest craze with all the bells and whistles. Each is an extreme and will do little to resolve needs and concerns. Be specific with your teen about your concerns.

3. If your teen wants certain features on a phone, expect that he can give you clear and logical reasons. Try to stay focused on priorities of providing them with a phone and help your teen recognize that while you appreciate their standpoint of social networking, you are paying for a cell phone to address the more practical necessities and their safety. Here, you're establishing acknowledgment that both of you will be coming at this subject from different views. Both sides deserve to be considered.

4. Be very clear on the boundaries that you feel are reasonable. Clarify with your teen that a cell phone, even with boundaries, is a privileged that must be earned every month. Explain what the repercussions will be if they do not act responsibly with their phone use.

5. When your cell phone bill comes due, take the time to evaluate your teen's use. If you see extensive text messaging, you may want to discuss the dangers of texting while driving. This has become a serious nationwide problem among teens with grim results. It is not an issue that parents should minimize or avoid. If you are dealing with this issue and are looking for solutions outside of taking the cell phone away, consider reportmyteen.com. This system works by simply placing a "Report My Teen" bumper sticker on your teen's car. If other people see your child driving recklessly--which could including texting and using a cell phone while driving--they can call the number on the bumper sticker. A recorded message will be sent to your email with details of the incident. This may seem extreme; but only you can decide if it is warranted when considering your teen's safety.

6. Astonishingly, some parents do not make the connection that Internet use via a cell phone comes with exactly the same dangers as Internet use from the home computer. Before giving your teen internet access on their phone, really evaluate whether or not this is a feature that will present more problems than benefits. While college students may find it helpful in communicating from a long distance or for doing research, teenagers generally do not have these concerns.

7. If you feel the need for more concrete, consistent monitoring there are a number of monitoring services and devices available. One such service available for smart phones is Mobile Spy, a software program that allows real-time monitoring of incoming and outgoing calls, text messages and other phone activity. There are other similar programs available with a wide range of costs and/or annual fees.

8. There is clearly the debate of trust verses safety in monitoring a teenager's cell phone. It is not an easy issue. Communicating with your teen throughout the process is essential. Teens need to feel they will be given the benefit of the doubt and rightly so; however, if a situation arises where their safety is at stake, parents should be ready to investigate all means to reasonably monitor their cell phone use.

Tips & Warnings

• Think long and hard before using the cell phone as a disciplinary tool for behavior other than inappropriate cell phone use.

• Have frequent discussions with your teen about the dangers of cell phones and texting while driving.

• Anything can become an addiction or obsession. If you note extreme increases in usage or text messaging, address those increases immediately.

Resources

• Teen Driver Safety Program - Report My Teen
• Text Message and Cell Spy Ware Software
• Parents, The Anti-Drug: E-Monitoring
• Parental Software - Cell Phone Monitoring