How to Break up With Your Boyfriend But Remain Friends

It's possible to remain friends with an ex after some time apart.

Not all relationships end on a sour note, where you can't stand to see your ex-boyfriend. Sometimes its a simple matter of circumstances or mature soul-searching. You may realize that you both would be better off as friends. Remaining friends with an ex-boyfriend can only work once the two of you are completely over each other. Take the time to heal before extending olive branches of friendship and keep things between the two of you strictly platonic.

Instructions

1. Be honest with him. Sit down with your significant other and let him know how you feel and why you think it is best to split. If the breakup is unexpected, you can expect him to be hurt and angry. Walk away and give him time to process the issue before mentioning anything about remaining friends. If the breakup is mutual, let him know that you care about him deeply and hope that the two of you can be friends in the future.

2. Give your ex-boyfriend so space. No matter how much you want to be friends, he needs space and so do you. If you immediately continue to hang out all the time, it won't feel like a break-up and the two of you will fall into your old relationship habits. You both need time to mourn the relationship and allow your hearts to fully heal and decide if you really want to remain friends based on the circumstances of the breakup.

3. Take it one step at a time with your ex. Reach out to him after a couple of months once you feel you are completely over him. If he does not respond, he may not be ready. If he does, keep the conversation light and just see how he is doing. Don't ask about anything deep and don't rehash what went wrong in the relationship. Let him know that you value his friendship and would like to get together sometime.

4. Establish boundaries. If you start hanging out together, make it clear that you are not trying to get back with him. Keep it platonic, with a minimum of touching--no kissing, flirting or even friendly touches. Don't talk to him about any deep, emotional problems you are having. This could lead to a dependence on him emotionally, which may lead to developing feelings again. Talk about the things the two of you enjoy, such as a particular television show or a sport. If you are dating someone else, mention it and see how he responds. If he reacts with genuine happiness for you, it is a good sign that he has truly moved on and you can continue to work on being friends.

5. Respect his feelings. He may not want to be friends with you a few months from now, a few years from now or ever. He just may feel too hurt by the situation or feel that he will develop feelings again if you stay friends. Leave him alone and accept that the time the two of you shared together is permanently over. This is probably for the best for you as well, as you don't want to have to deal with someone who has feelings for you when you don't feel the same.

Tips & Warnings

• Avoid being overly-friendly. It's not likely the two of you can become platonic best friends and he may get the wrong idea if you are calling to hang out all the time, so keep the friendship casual.

• Don't talk trash about your ex with mutual friends. This may sour a future platonic relationship forever.

• Don't keep your ex dangling with the possibility of getting back together just because it makes you feel good and wanted. Sever romantic ties with him if you know that you're finished.

References

• Lemon Drop; How to Stay Friends With Your Ex; Kristen Rollins; June 2009
• Ryan Seacrest; 10 Ways to Stay Friends With Your Ex; Nicole Chenoweth; March 2011
• CNN; Six Rules for Being Friends With an Ex; Ami Angelowicz; September 2009

Resources

• "Cosmopolitan Magazine": Should You Be Friends With Your Ex;