How to Respect and Be Respected by Your Kids

We're all asking for respect--parents and kids alike. Too many people seem to think respect, at least in the parent-child relationship, is a one-way street. The adult speaks; the children listen and obey. This kind of relationship may work for you in the short term; but that dynamic doesn't create real respect--fear, maybe, and resentment, probably. If you really want respect, you need to earn it. Read on to learn how to do so.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Sense of fairness
• The ability to give as well as to receive

1. Explain, but don't over-explain. Sure, you want your kids to know they "why's" behind all of the rules; but you need to make the explanation suit the audience. One thing you need to make clear, though, is that any rules you do have are not arbitrary. You have rules for your own conduct, as well.

2. Let them earn their privileges by taking care of certain responsibilities. For example, "you can watch TV after you pick those toys up." Show them that this rule applies to you, too, by saying, "I want to read my book, but I have to pay these bills first."

3. Have kids help out around the house from the time that they are very small. You want to create an atmosphere in which everybody, parents and children, all work together. Everybody gives; everybody takes.

4. Listen to your kids if you expect them to listen to you. Allow them to have a say in how minor decisions are made. Sure, the big ones are always going to be down to you; but they'll feel less of a sense of unfairness if they get to make choices in the small ones.

5. Show respect for their opinions, values, interests, and choices. They are far more likely to respect you if they feel that they have been shown respect as well. We all know that the best way of teaching something is by demonstrating it. Walk the walk; don't just talk the talk.

[virtualibrarian]

on 6/29/2008 Yeah, me too. It's easier to write about the right way to do things than it is to actually do it when it seems like you're juggling a million things at once! But I always do try to apologize to my son and explain to him that I'm just overworked, stressed, etc.

[trishmiller]

on 6/29/2008 I really like these ideas... I know I get overworked and just don't have time to listen to the kids, so I tell them to just do things... Then later I realize that I have to listen to them..
I do apologize to them if I do something wrong... I think that is a biggie too!