How to Survive an Unwanted Divorce

Divorce is not easy for anyone, and for the one that does not want the divorce it can be extremely difficult. Just hearing that your spouse wants a divorce can be shocking and heart wrenching! You may begin to bargain with them promising to fix things and change any flaws that he/she may see in you. If your spouse is insistent then there is little you can do to stop them from leaving.

Things You'll Need

  • Patience
  • Time
  • Supportive people
  • Love for yourself


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      So many thoughts may be filling up in your mind, such as this can not be happening to me, or they can't leave me, we can work things out, etc. etc. If they are unwilling to stick around and try to fix the relationship then realize that hey are not worthy of you. Perhaps you took your vows seriously and they did not!

      It is a sad statistic that one out of every two marriages will end in divorce, so you are surely NOT alone. It is a very emotional and draining experience to go through and when the divorce is not wanted on your part, it can be overwhelming. There are things that you can do to try and keep your head up and realize that you are worthy of someone to truly love you for who you are and not give up on the relationship.

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      Here are some helpful tips to help you move on from an unwanted divorce and come out of it knowing you are worthy of better and greater things.

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      • ASK WHY *

      Simply ask your spouse why they are asking for a divorce and see if you can fix it before it is to late. However if they are insistent that they want to separate then there is little you can do. Allow them to know that you are hurting and you want answers. You are entitled to that and they should offer you answers! If they are not willing to talk to you directly about things then ask them to write you a letter explaining the reasons so that you can move on. They owe you an explanation and try to make sure you get one so you are left wondering why the marriage ended for years to come. Having them write it out in a letter may give them more freedom to be open and honest without fear of you breaking down in front of them.

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      Suppressing your emotions will only bite you in the end. They will eventually catch up to you and you will be left to deal with them at a later date. You need to let them out and allow yourself to grieve. If you are worried about how others will react wait until you are alone and allow yourself to have a good cry to release your emotions. Write down your feelings in a journal to help yourself be able to express yourself. Even simply writing is a great activity to let your feelings out. Make sure that you allow yourself the freedom to grieve, it is only natural during and after a divorce.

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      Surround yourself with family and friends who are there emotionally for you. Having someone to talk to through the process you are going though is vital for anyone. We all need to know we have people around us that care about us and are there for us. When you need someone to talk to make sure it is someone you trust and rely on. Do not talk to your children and expect them to be your counselor, they are going through their own grieving process. You want to stay as positive as you can with your children and never say bad things about your ex no matter how bad you are hurting. If you do not have anyone to talk to join a support group in your area. That is a great way to talk to people that are going through the same things that you are at the time. There are also chat rooms online where you can talk to people who are going through the same thing that you are.

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      Getting out of the house and the same old routine can help you realize that you are still alive and able to have fun. Just because you are going out it does not mean that you are looking for a new spouse already, you can just go out to have fun with friends or family members. Just going to the movies, out to dinner, the mall anywhere that you like and getting out of the rut you may be in is helpful. Going out with others also gives you a time to focus on something else rather then moping around thinking about the divorce constantly. There is more to life after a divorce then the grief you may be feeling.

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      Allow yourself time to feel the way you feel and don't get down on yourself for having the feelings that you do. Make sure that you are patient with yourself and deal with things now. If you suppress the feelings now they will creep up on you later on and you will go through this over and over. Deal with things now and give yourself as much time as you need without isolating yourself from the rest of the world. Make sure you talk to someone and write in a journal to help let your feelings out. Each and every person will experience a different amount of time it takes to heal, so be kind and patient with yourself.

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      Many people change through the years and even tend to give up bits and pieces of themselves for relationships. Did you have a love for a sport, activity, hobby or anything else that you quit doing for awhile? Get back into it and rediscover your interests. What hopes and dreams did you have before the relationship that you may have given up on or simply forgot? Think about what you like and what you want to do and do it! Allow time for you to get reacquainted with yourself and discover that you are worthy of so much better then a mate that gives up to easily.

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      Take time to heal and nurture yourself through the grieving process of divorce. Do not allow the divorce to define who you are! Get up and exercise if you are feeling down in the dumps. It will help you to get your mind on something else and get you in shape at the same time. You will feel better about yourself and look better at the same time! Smile from time to time to remind yourself that you can and it makes you look more attractive!

Tips & Warnings

  • Don't blame yourself
  • If you feeling depressed, talk to your doctor
  • Allow yourself to have fun
  • Never take it out on yourself
  • Never allow someone else to define you, remember who you were before the marriage
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