How to Manage Power Struggles

The teenage years are full of power struggles and contradictions. Your son is not doing his homework and mad at you for nagging him about it. You stop bugging him about his homework as he asked you to, and the very next week, he blames you because you didn’t remind him to turn in his assignment. Your daughter is upset because you ask too many questions about her personal life and after you think about it for a while, you decide perhaps your were probing a little too much. After a week of backing away and not asking about her day, she accuses you of not caring anymore. What's a parent to do?

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Patience
• Maturity
• A sense of humor

1. Choose Power Struggles Wisely
   Inherent in living with a teen is the potential for daily upheavals, quarrels, little fights and power struggles. Use your parental expertise to sidestep the nonsense. Don’t hassle over small stuff that in the big scheme of things won’t matter much. By avoiding minor disagreements you create the space for a teen to approach you.
2. Agree to Disagree
   Parents and teens will not always agree on every issue and that’s OK. Acknowledge the differences by saying out loud, “We disagree and we can agree on that.” Learning that the world doesn’t end because the two of you don’t always agree is a lesson that we all need to remember. We’ve all seen adults who get nasty just because someone disagrees. It’s better to disagree and let that be OK.
3. Play the Broken Record
   This is a useful tactic for getting your point across when a teen is not paying attention. The broken record approach means repeating the same sentence over and over. For example, when your teen is nagging you to drive them to the mall and you don’t want to drop what you’re doing, the broken record plays like this: “I can’t take you today, but I will take you on Saturday.” “I can’t take you today, but I will take you on Saturday.” A word of caution: if you overuse this approach the broken record will loose it’s effectiveness.
4. Let Little Things Slide
   Just because you prefer she keeps her natural hair color and she intends to dye it red, doesn’t mean you have to confront it. Just because he said he’d be home at midnight and called to say he’d be late, you don’t have to make a big deal about it. You can let some things slide because you know they will learn as you did, by trial and error. Get clear on what is insignificant stuff. Such as hair, clothes, makeup, music, or what they eat for dinner; these things you don’t need to fight over
5. You’re the Boss but You Don’t Have to Flaunt it
   You’re the head of the household, and yes, they are living under your roof. You do make the rules, but it is not always necessary to flaunt it. No need to prove that you are right and they are wrong. When it comes to raising teens, life goes smoother if you give them a choice in the matters that affect them. Teens who are given such choices grow up to be responsible adults.