How to be a great wedding guest (brides tell you how!)

Courtney summed it up best. "Our wedding is a celebration. We want happiness all around us, and the best way to make that happen is to enjoy yourself."
Courtney and six other newlywed women shared stories about memorable wedding guests. Some of their suggestions are time-honored rules of etiquette - answering invitations quickly, for example - but most are ideas of their own. They all boil down to making the couple as happy as they can be on their day (and making the wedding day - which is a logistical and emotional minefield - a little easier.)

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Make every effort to go.
   "This is the most important day of our lives," said Deirdre, "And it makes us think a lot about who's important to us. And we've asked you. So please, make every effort to come."

2. "Write a personal note on the RSVP," said Peggy.
   "Those are our first keepsakes. My uncle wrote 'I can't believe the little girl who liked frogs is getting married!' I kept all those notes, and my husband and I just read them on our first anniversary."

3. "RSVP, ASAP," Peggy continues.
   "It tells us you're excited and honored. And to be honest, there are people we had to leave out. If you can't make it, there's someone we didn't have room for who can come."

4. "Please don't add anyone to the invitation," said Courtney.
   "Don't even ask." Four of the seven brides received RSVPs with children or dates added who weren't invited. Said Courtney, "Kids turn every place they go into a playground, which I love about them, but that's not the atmosphere I wanted. And we know you'd like to bring a date, but we either didn't have room or couldn't afford thirty more people."

5. "Come over and say hello to the bride and groom," said Patty.
   She had 220 people at her wedding. "I loved it when the guests came to us, whether to dance or just give us a hug, something," which took the pressure off of her to make the rounds to all the tables. Beth recalled,

6. Make the day easier for the bride and groom.
   "The nicest thing a guest did was really simple. As my husband and I were going around to the tables, the ice cream/flambe station was getting started and a relative asked if she could bring some to me. The fact that she thought to ask me when I couldn't stand in line myself meant a lot. I thanked her for that as well as the gift in my thank-you note."

7. "Tell the bride what a great guy she's marrying," said Deirdre.
   "We love to hear that and can't hear it enough. Jeff's best friend told my parents Jeff was his hero, and I was the kind of woman he'd want his hero to marry. My mom still asks about that 'lovely young man from your wedding.'"

8. "That brings up another good point," said Peggy, "Pay attention to our parents."
   They're having a tough day, believe it or not. They're happy, but they're nostalgic and they miss us already. I really loved it when my bridesmaids danced with my dad, and when a guy from work spent fifteen minutes laughing with my mom."

9. "Participate," advises Patty.
   "Dance, sign the guest book, take a Polaroid or whatever kooky idea the bride and groom want at the wedding. Humor them, it's their day."

10. Take and send digital photos.
    Patty, Deirdre and Catherine all suggested bringing a digital camera and e-mailing photos to the couple. "We want instant satisfaction so even if the pictures aren't great, we'll still LOVE them," said Patty.

11. Dance. Early, often, and joyously.
    Stephanie's band - ordinarily quite good - was having a quite-off day at her reception. When no one else would dance, Stephanie's cousin and his girlfriend danced to a clunky "Mustang Sally" as if it was fabulous. They asked two more to dance for "Chain of Fools" then engaged their whole table. The band took wind, and by the next break, the dance floor was full and the reception saved.
    "And before they left they thanked me for a good time," said Stephanie, "when they were the good time. They're on my Christmas card list forever."

12. Congratulate and thank the couple before leaving, as that young couple did.
    "It gives us a chance to say goodbye," said Stephanie. "We're so busy, we'll probably miss you if you leave it to us. Seeking us out takes the pressure off."

13. "And tell us what you liked," said Peggy.
    "My boss's husband told me the flowers were really elegant and said, 'Now we know what do when our daughter gets married.' It doesn't sound like much, but something like that just makes you melt."

14. Stay, just long enough.
    The rule of thumb is to stay at least until the cutting of the cake. Another rule of thumb is to leave ten to fifteen minutes before the scheduled end. "Don't leave early, if you can avoid it," said Peggy. "We wish the day would never end."

15. Write a thank-you to the bride.
    This is your one last chance to make the day memorable.
    "I got the most beautiful notes from friends thanking me or just saying what a great time they had when I got home from my honeymoon.," said Patty. "I cherish those and vowed I would do that from now on."
    "I got notes too," said Courtney, "and just when I thought the day was over and it was time to move on, there they were.
    "More than anything else - just smile. Be happy, it makes the day as good as it can be. If you do, we'll remember you forever for it."

Tips & Warnings

• Do not make any stipulations on your attendance!
• "One aunt told me she wouldn't come if her ex-husband came, my father's brother," said Stephanie, "and she said she 'knew I'd understand and do the right thing.' My uncle said the same thing. They put pressure on me to solve their arguments, which is just rotten taste. I invited them both, sat them next to each other and told them to duke it out."