How to communicate with your ex

If you must communicate with your ex after the divorce then there are ways that you can remain civil, calm and not have mixed emotions surrounding your ex. It may be hard in the beginning to deal with your ex, but if you take the steps to help heal yourself from the pain of the divorce, it can be done. No matter what caused the divorce or who asked for it is not relevant anymore once the divorce is final. If children are involved then you will have to deal with your ex for years and years to come. Even when your child hits the age 18 you still have to hear about your ex and even see them at some events.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Patience
• Understanding

1. To make it easier on all of those involved with the marriage and the divorce it is vital that you heal yourself before worrying about hurting your ex. If it is to hard for you to talk to them in the beginning do it over the phone only. Seeing them in person may only complicate things even more! Here are some tips for communicating with your ex....
2. * TALK TO YOUR EX OVER THE PHONE *
   
   When you talk over the phone it is easier to deal with your emotions. If you start getting mad about something you can simply think up an excuse to get off the phone. Rather in person you are stuck looking at each other and it is cause for more conflict. Avoiding seeing your ex spouse eye to eye can also help you not have thoughts about the past and see them as your spouse again. Things are more likely to get messier when the two of you are talking in person.
3. * KNOW WHEN TO END THE CONVERSATION *
   
   Unlike when the two of you were married it is important that you learn when to back off. He doe not owe you any explanations anymore unless it has to do with your children. It may be hard to accept but they are no longer a big part of your life and the two of you are moving on with your lives separately. If your ex is emotionally closed off to you they have their own reasons and perhaps they are working on them. It is going to take time for the two of you to get used to a new way to communicate with each other, so give it time.
4. * FORGIVE *
   
   This of course is the toughest thing to do. It can be so hard to forgive but it is the best thing that you can do. Holding on to the past and harping on all the bad that the two of you went thorough is not going to help you move on and live your life to its fullest. Forgiving can help you manage your emotions and handle yourself a lot better then if you are still holding onto hurt feeling and issues you two shared. It will take time to get over the hurt, but give yourself time and allow yourself to overcome it. Talk to someone close to you that you can trust or write your feelings in a journal. Dealing with your emotions right away is the best thing to do, not doing so will only suppress them allowing them to come back at another date.
5. * KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP FRIENDLY *
   
   It is going to work so much easier for the both of you if you can bury the hatchet and be civil with each other. If children are involved it will make their lives easier and show them the responsible way to behave. Remember you no longer have to live with this person so you can be civil for a few minutes with them and then thats it, you go to your house and they go to their house. Respecting each other as individuals is the best way to keep a friendly relationship.
6. * WRITE THEM A LETTER *
   
   if talking in person or the phone is simply not working at this point in your lives then write them a letter. Tell them what you are thinking and feeling and anything in between that you fill is important for them to know. It is a great way of communicating with your ex if you are afraid of telling them certain things. It also allows for you to say things that you normally would not or just have a hard time getting out. Just make sure you do not write a mean or nasty letter with threats and such in it since he or she could use it against you later on.
7. * HANG UP *
   
   If the two of you can not get things together and hold a descent conversation on the phone then simply say I have to go and hang up. You don't need the extra stress it is not good for you or your ex. Nothing is going to get resolved by the two of you going at it over the phone. So when you have had enough end the conversation! If they are not willing to end it and keep going on tell them to call you in a bit after they have had time to cool down. You can hang up without slamming the phone down! Simply give a reason like you have to go , or we can finish this later and hang up!
8. Dealing with an ex after divorce is not easy in the beginning. After time goes on the two of you will find an effective way for you two to communicate. Give it time and be patient, eventually the two of you can get past the divorce and work out your differences.

Tips & Warnings

• Always put your children's feelings above everyones.
• Avoid taking your anger out on your ex around your children.