How to Decide What You Want in a Mate

Are you ready to find the love of your life? Here's how to figure out what you want in a mate without crossing all your potential partners off your list too soon.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Check Yourself

1. Before you can choose a mate, you must first know yourself. Sit down with a pen and paper and write down ten things that are important to you. Next to each of those things, write down what aspect of your life each of those things reflects. For example, you might write down that it is important for you to take a walk every day. Next to that, you would write down "health." Perhaps having nice things in your home matters. That would be security and luxury. Maybe you believe in budgeting money carefully. Write down security, financial wisdom, or good stewardship. Perhaps being active in your church or community matters a great deal to you. That would be faith or social networking.
2. Look over the list to see if you have forgotten to list anything else that is important to you.
3. Ask your friends or relatives to tell you three things they think are important to you. Ask them what five traits you possess that make you the person they enjoy knowing.
4. Translate the various lists you just made into those traits that are most important to you.
5. With your list of your own good traits in mind, make another list, this time with traits that you cannot stand and would not want in a mate.
6. Take another look at your lists. Pick out five traits that your mate absolutely must have, and five traits that you cannot stand. Using this new list, begin looking at all potential mates to screen out those who do not have the traits most important to you, but be careful. Sometimes being too strict in your definitions can result in your screening out someone who might otherwise have made a very good partner.

Screening

7. Read dating articles from various sources. Take notes on points that are true for you. See how those points fit your lists.
8. Take notes on points that you doubt are true for you, or that your experiences have proven to be false. Do any of those points affect what you have written on your lists? If so, adjust your list to take those points into account.
9. Go to various dating sites online. Read profiles, especially the essay answers. Take note of those profiles that appear to match your criteria for a potential mate.
10. Read personal ads from your local paper. Note ads that meet your criteria.
11. Check out a speed dating event or matchmaking service. This puts you in touch with a large pool of potential mates in a very short time. Take note of those individuals who intrigue you, even though they don't seem to match your listed criteria. It is possible to miss out on a great potential relationship by adhering too strictly to your lists.