How to Flirt Without Saying a Word

Think you need an arsenal of pickup lines to be a successful flirt? Think again. While witty banter may be an important part of flirting, it isn’t the most important part. I often hear people ask, “What should I say?” when wanting to approach someone who sparks their interest. The thing is, flirting isn’t about what you say, it’s about how you say it. Flirting is less about talk and more about playing with the energy that exists between two people. If you’ve been paralyzed from fear that you will sound like a fool in front of your crush, then perhaps you’ve been too focused on the verbal aspects of flirting. Try these tips to thaw your flirting freeze and help you become a master of subtle, silent, energy-centered flirting.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• A playful spirit
• A willingness to step outside your immediate comfort zone

1. Acknowledge that sometimes words ruin the moment. Words can put distance between two people because they cause all your energy to retreat to your head to form your next response as opposed to simply savoring the company of another person. Pay attention to this phenomenon. Allow silent moments to stretch. Practice with your family, friends, coworkers and acquaintances. Instead of speaking up whenever there’s a quiet moment, see if you can build connections with others without words.
2. Consider the way you present yourself. The way you dress, smell, walk, gesture, eat, smile and even stand can say a lot about your personality. You can use these things to present yourself as open or reserved, playful or serious, flirtatious or unavailable. Develop awareness about the non-verbal clues you are sending to those around you. If you want to be more flirtatious, consider how you can demonstrate this in all that you do.
3. Let your eyes linger longer. When you make eye contact with someone who sparks your interest, don’t turn your gaze too soon. If you are shy or nervous, this could take practice, but it’s worth sitting through the discomfort. A lot of energy builds with eye contact.
4. Touch. Run your hand down his arm. Squeeze her hand. Rub his back. Smooth her hair. If there is a physical attraction between the two of you, the right touch can ignite electric blots of excitement and bond the two of you a little deeper.
5. Wink. My girlfriend first saw her current husband at a financial advising seminar. They sat a few rows from each other, but she couldn’t take her eyes off him. At one point he looked up at her and, without giving it much thought, my girlfriend winked. He was obviously encouraged, because after the lecture he approached her and…well…you know the rest. A wink epitomizes the mischievous, fun-loving spirit essential to flirting. If you can’t wink, I highly recommend you learn. I’ll be practicing with you, as it’s a skill I’ve decided I must master before I die. Wouldn’t it be a shame to live an entire life having never winked at a hot stranger?
6. Give a gift. I once folded a small paper napkin into an origami heart and handed it to the waiter who had made my heart flutter. A friend of mine once bought a latte for an adorable woman standing in line behind him at a coffee shop. A guy once unexpectedly handed me a flower as I walked down the street. The options are endless, so get creative and surprise somebody who strikes your fancy.
7. Blow a kiss. You can use it to say: Goodbye, Hello, You are cute, I must know you. It’s quick. It’s easy. It’s playful. It’s bold. And if you’re lucky, it might eventually lead to the French variety.
8. Hug like you mean it. Nothing kills flirtatious energy like a stiff, distant, back-patting kind of hug. Embrace, melt, hold a little longer when hugging somebody you like.

Tips & Warnings

• Remember: Flirting is fun. You don’t need to take any of it seriously. If you aren’t having fun, try something different, whether it’s a new technique or a switch of mindset.
• Pay attention to the nonverbal clues from others. Don’t run around touching, starring at or hugging people who obviously have no interest in receiving such attention from you. Flirting is about mutual give and take, not about pushing yourself onto another person.