How to Let Go of Parenting Regrets

Despite doing the best we can, many parents make mistakes. Parenting is far from an exact science, and it's unlikely that the perfect parent actually exists. However, so many of us are caught up in the idea that we have to be that perfect parents that we hold tight to the things we wish we'd done differently. It's okay to let go of the regrets about some of the things you've done or said to our children over the years.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Admit that things are the way they are. Instead of dwelling on not being to provide the life or material goods you wanted your child to have, focus on the here and now. It may be unpleasant and you may still have regrets that it wasn't different, but wishing won't make it so. Being mired in regret can cause the inability to make changes that might change the situation.
2. Let go of the things you regret having said to your child and work on saying the things you regret not having said. While you can't un-say the hurtful things, you can certainly attempt to say the ones you should have. Even if it means calling up your adult child to say "I never told you how proud I was of you winning the spelling bee when you were 9," this is a parenting regret you have the opportunity to fix.
3. Forgive yourself for some of the things you regret of not all of them. You'll first need to acknowledge your wrongdoing and the consequences of your actions. Some people will need to apologize for their parenting mistakes before they are able to fully forgive themselves. If you've done all you can to express that and your children won't forgive you, you can still work on forgiving yourself.
4. Take an objective look at your expectations and lower them if they're too high. Maybe you are riddled with regret because you are holding yourself to an impossible standard. Parenting is hard, but if you're doing what you can to look out for your children's best interests and still feel as though you're not living up to your role, change what you think that role entails.
5. Look for the lesson. True regrets hold meaning; you just have to find it. Once you are able to understand what you've learned from your mistake, whether it's how to fix it or how holding on to the regret is affecting your relationship with your kids, you've taken the first step to letting go.
6. Focus on moving forward and expect to make more mistakes. You're not perfect--nor should you be--and you'll mess up again. As long as you're not repeating old mistakes, try to learn from the new ones and let go of them as they happen.