How to Party Like a local at Mardi Gras

MARDI GRAS! PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Your wits,Your Moxy, and most of all a little bit of your soul to lose.

1. I'm sure you have heard about this Vegas saying,"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas", FORGET ABOUT IT.
   I think that saying originated in New Orleans anyway. If not, we definitely have the licensing agreement for one day a year.
   Dont forget as far as partying goes , Mardi Gras is for Rookies, so try and fit in, nothing worse then a drunk redneck wanting to fight everyone cause folks have an "edumacation" around here.
2. The OZ, is your freak flag flyen? Preparing your mind for something that you wont quite want to talk about on ash Wednesday. Starting out on Monday night one should gather their conscious collective ,or your friends ,which ever is easiest to locate. REMEMBER TO VISIT THE OZ.
3. Stop by the nearest purveyor of your favorite decadence. This could be The Elixir of the gods, Beer the safest. This is due to the hours that will be spent Enduldgeing, But alas some folks insist on the Hard stuff, I regrettably have had way to many Mardi Gras Black outs to go down this route again. Now some of you might want to go with something a little less legal. At one time, I have to admit I was with you, but remember, There are about 1000 undercover cops out there, and more road side pharmaceutical sales reps that sell what turns out to be over the counter products ,if you know what i mean! Be Careful.
4. Arrive at a free parking spot under an interstate over pass, Remember, those people charging to park don't really have the authority to park your car, but if you don't pay you might find a little damage to your Hotrod after the festivities.
   I once traded an old waxing machine for a great spot that was in my truck bed. I had no damage ,the cars next to mine needed a little air in the tires. You can also get free parking at the Harrahs Casino by going in and gambling for 5 minutes then getting your ticket validated.
5. Shoes. Remember that you will probably have a new pair of gardening shoes on Wednesday morning, so dress Cheap. I used to ,pre Katrina that is, walk up and down the Parade routes at least 5 times a day stopping by the darkest haunts I could find for the sheer fear of it all. If you have the moxy that i recommended earlier this should be a part of everyone day. Drinks are usually cheap compared to the national average so don't be afraid to stop in at the Audubon, Dungeon, or the Chart room located on Charters in the quarter a great place to get the cheapest drinks and women, in the city.
6. FOOD.
   Cajun.Creole.Soul.
   All these are great partying eats due to the high starch and carbohydrates found in the great dish's. But remember if you to much or not enough you'll end up like I have many times, behind the cathedral tossing up your lunch. I'D STAY AWAY FROM ANY RICE DISH IF YOU PLAN ON DRINKING,you will definitly lose control of your gag reflex response.

Tips & Warnings

• Stay away from the back side of the Quarter, unless you like the little boys, or giving your money away to the less fortunate by force.
• The far right side of Bourbon street is the best place for everything you are thinking about ,but to republican to talk about.
• If you have any left over beads from last year ,BRING EM, these can get you many great photos of those dirty little women that were around long before the girls from "GIRLS GONE WILD".gotta love those midwesterners
• If you don't stop and eat ,you wont make it.
• Avoid Crowds of young Men who seem to be acting as if they just left the Rodney king Trial.
• Sex on car hoods can get you some well deserved Tips, but more then likely you will also get a visit to The "tulane city hilton".oh ya dont Pee in public, cops love to take you to jail for that one, the city gets a couple of hundred ,truelly needed, revenue dollars for each offense.
• At 2am on Wednesday morning, make sure your in the bar, not out front,Trust ME!