-
Step 1
Know the rules. Before participating in any online community or forum, read up on the sites' rules. Find out what's expected of you when you post, and pay extra attention to the types of things that are forbidden. Nothing stirs up the online virtual firing squad like a post that breaks the rules--especially rules that are prominently posted and that have no doubt been discussed dozens of times already in the community.
-
Step 2
Observe (lurk) for awhile. Often it will only take reading a few of the community's interactions to figure out how things work. You'll get to know the most outspoken members, the most respected, and the people who seem to stir up trouble.
-
Step 3
Try to stay neutral, especially when you're new. Healthy debate is a great part of exchanges on the Internet, but sometimes the antagonism goes too far or has underlying motives. If you see members choosing sides like it's grammar school again, and there is clearly more to the story that may have happened on other forums or chat sessions, steer away from the mess.
-
Step 4
Take the high road. If you're in a debate with someone and the other party starts to attack you personally or get overly hostile, let the argument die. It's fine to state your side of the argument, make your points, and then leave. No matter what the other person posts after that, ignore it. It's tempting to continue the fight and call him out on his mistaken judgments or hostility, but rarely will such an exchange get you anywhere. If he continues berating you after you've bowed out, he hasn't won. It just makes him look bad, not you. A lot of what is written on the Internet sticks around--whether in archives or on people's hard drives--so you want to be careful what you post. You don't want some stupid Internet exchange coming back to haunt you months, or even years, in the future.
-
Step 5
Assume the best of people. Online community interactions are very different than real life exchanges. Even when people are careful in their phrasing, and use emoticons for extra effect, it's still difficult to read their tone or intent. Words in print often seem more blunt or heartless, and it's natural to take offense at the perceived tone. It's important to let these offenses go, or at least continue the dialogue civilly to get a better handle of the person's intent.
-
Step 6
Don't jump to conclusions. What you see of someone online is only a slice of their reality. You often have no idea about their home, job, family, or friends. For example, if someone disappears in the middle of a discussion, it's easy to think that she has done the online equivalent of hanging up on you or slamming the door in your face. The reality is that she may have just lost her Internet connection, or her child was crying and needed immediate attention. Wait for explanations before you judge an exchange or absence.
-
Step 7
Avoid cliques. Some online communities end up being like high school again, with a certain group of posters standing in for the "cool kids". Other posters might try to win favor with them, or intentionally try to undermine them. Resist the temptation to do either. You'll get far more out of the community if you treat everyone equally and try to be friendly with every poster. It's natural to get closer with certain community members, but make sure you don't appear to others as a club they're not allowed to join.
-
Step 8
Don't make yourself a target. It's fine to have conflicting or controversial ideas, but if you belong to a community, it's important to consider the whole group. If you're always the one debating a point or choosing the opposite side or throwing out suggestions that make others uncomfortable, it will get to the point where your mere presence will encourage people to attack you.
-
Step 9
Remove the drama queens. Most online communities have ways of filtering out or blocking people you don't want to see or hear from. If someone's posts always seem to make you angry, it's best for you if you don't ever see him. If you belong to a journal or blogging community, you can often freeze discussions on your own site that have gotten out of hand. This is a last resort, but sometimes the only way to stop out of control drama is by blocking the people causing it.
-
Step 10
Take some time off. Online communities can be a great place to converse, meet people with the same interests, learn and have fun. They can also be a source of stress, and can take over way too much of your time and attention. If you find that you seem to be arguing and getting involved in online drama every time you're on the computer, it's a good idea to step away for awhile. It's important to spend some solid time in your real life and away from the virtual one. Often it only takes a few days to gain much-needed perspective.
