How to Deal With Your Spouse's Vindictive Ex

You have met, married, and settled down with your Mr. or Mrs. Right. Everything is great except for one little detail. The vindictive ex that cannot seem to get the hint that he is no longer a part of your spouse's equation. What to do?

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Positive self esteem
• Support group
• Honesty with your spouse

How to Deal With Your Spouse's Vindictive Ex

1. No one said that life is easy and not every one plays by the rules. When you have to deal with a vindictive ex, the best strategy is to keep your cool and rise above the situation. Don't play the games or get caught up in the drama. The less you do in retaliation, the less you will have to feel guilty about or foolish about later.
2. Don't blame your spouse for this. People will do what they will do regardless of what other's say or do. Your spouse may ignore his or her ex, tell that person to leave you alone, or try to be nice to keep the ex calm and out of a psychotic state, but none of these actions may stop the ex from coming after you. Blaming your spouse for the ex's behavior will cause you conflict and is exactly what a vindictive ex wants.
3. Initially, be nice, as you would with anyone else. If the ex cannot handle being mature and understanding that the relationship she shared with your spouse is over, then there is no need for you to disrupt your world with that person's inability to accept reality. That is up to a counselor to help with.
4. When taking mature steps to resolve conflict does not work, simply ignore. This person is not your problem and you do not have to deal with him.
5. If the person becomes dangerous and threatens physical harm or violence towards you, you cannot ignore that and must report that to the authorities immediately.
6. In an extreme situation, for you and your spouse's safety, relocating to an undisclosed location may be in your best interest.
7. This is a stressful situation for anyone. Do what you need to channel your stress. Don't waste your day dwelling or anticipating the next move that the ex will make but possibly have a support group of friends that can give you suggestions or simply allow you to vent your frustrations. Possibly journal your thoughts about situations that arise regarding this issue.
8. Don't initially jump to the defense when the ex first appears. Try to put yourself in the shoes of a heartbroken ex. This will give you the initial patience you may need to deal with the problem. When the problem persists over too long a period of time, you are allowed to put aside your sympathy.
9. The ex may talk and spy using mutual friends. Remember that you do not have to impress anyone but your spouse and you already did that! You are married, hence "spouse." What the ex makes up about you to friends is just a way to get you upset, and if the friends are smart and see you the same way that your spouse does, then the words mean nothing and there is no real harm done, just a nuisance.

Tips & Warnings

• Just remember that this most likely will not be a permanent problem. There is a silver lining.
• Instead of taking things and making them negative, try to put a positive twist on the situation.