How to Handle Your Husband When He is Too Attached to His Mother

Most women have dated a mama’s boy at one time or another. However, being married to one has its own set of problems and it can be very upsetting. This is the sort of situation that requires kid gloves for handling. You don’t want to upset your husband but at the same time, when he discusses life-altering decisions with his mother before he does with you, or does not stand up for you when his mother is being disrespectful, then something must be done. Here is one way you can handle a husband who is too attached to his mother.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Sit down and brainstorm about what is happening and how you feel about it. Write it all down and then come up with some solutions to the problem(s).
2. Sit down and talk to your husband. Explain in very clear and simple language that you married him, not his mother, and exactly what it is that he is doing that is upsetting you and why.
3. Offer your solutions and see what your husband has to say. Once you’ve had your say, give him an opportunity to have his say. Really listen without interrupting him.
4. Together make a decision about whether both of you will talk to his mother, or if he will talk to her alone if the woman is too volatile otherwise.
5. Either both of you or your husband should sit down with his mother and explain how you feel and why it’s bothering you. Present solutions to her as well, and then give her the opportunity to talk without interrupting.

Tips & Warnings

• Get some counseling. Often men who are too attached to their mothers and visa versa are so because there was not a man in their life for them to identify with between the ages of 10 and 14. There is hope, and counseling can help both you, your husband and even his mother work out the problems inherent with this situation.
• Have him set boundaries for his mother. Men who have very close relationships with their mothers tend to not be able to set boundaries. Setting boundaries right away, before marriage if possible will go a long way towards avoiding some of these issues later on.
• Be firm and clear with his mother about what is acceptable behavior on her part to you and what is not. Call her on her behavior when it is unacceptable. Again this is about setting boundaries and it is not just your husband who needs to set them with her; you do, too.
• Consider moving far enough away from where his mother lives that you can get some peace and help your husband begin to cut the umbilical cord. Distance can often work wonders.
• Be prepared for resistance both from your husband and his mother. If neither he nor his mother are willing to go to counseling or to listen when you try to talk to them, you should still consider going by yourself as it will help you deal with the situation.
• Understand that some men will refuse to do anything to better the situation. Even if you love your husband, you may have to separate from him if he is completely resistant to setting boundaries, moving away or getting counseling. Sometimes it is a no-win situation no matter how much you want to make it work.