How to Communicate about Money in Marriage

It’s been said that money is the main thing that leads to friction in a marriage, as well as divorce. You’d think it might be something like adultery, but while not every marriage has to deal with the prospect of infidelity, every marriage does have to deal with money. So it’s a very important consideration for the health and longevity of a marriage.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• A husband or wife
• Time

1. Set up a good time to have the discussion. If you are upset with your spouse’s less-than-responsible attitude towards money, you need to tread carefully. Don’t broach the subject when he or she is in a bad mood.
2. Have all the relevant paperwork handy, such as bank statements, credit card bills, and the like. It makes it much easier to make your case if there’s actual proof.
3. Have a plan at the ready as well. Generalities won’t work – you should mention how you both need to save “x” number of dollars every month. Someone who’s averse to talking about money probably won’t be so eager to offer solutions, so you need to come to the table with solutions of your own.
4. Compromise. Don’t make the conversation to weighted in one direction – i.e. don’t make it all about attacking the other person. Instead, say something like, “These are areas both of us can work on.”
5. After you’ve agreed on a plan, meet again with all of the above taken into account (paperwork, etc.) You’ll get a sense about how you’re progressing.

Tips & Warnings

• Try and make it more personal than just a meeting about money. It’ll give you chance to learn about each other. Maybe talk about how money was treated in your upbringing. It can break the ice. A marriage shouldn’t just be a “business arrangement,” so personalizing these issues is important.