How to Paint Your Pet Rock

Pet rocks truly love to feel they are unique. If you paint your pet rock, don’t be surprised if it struts around and gets a big head. But, if you are a good pet rock owner you can teach your rock that it is not polite to show off.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Sit down and talk with your pet rock. Explain that he will be going through a rigorous makeover. Reassure him that while parts of it may seem scary, it will be worth it in the long run. If your pet needs further convincing, show him pictures of other pet rocks who have been painted. You may also find that having your pet rock watch a few makeover TV shows will get him excited about the process.
2. Ask your pet rock’s opinions about what colors he likes. After all, he will be the one wearing them. It’s only considerate to ask for his input.
3. Prepare all of your paint and brushes. Lay down newspaper to protect the surface of your furniture or floor.
4. Pick up your pet rock. Give him a good pep talk. Tell him you are about to begin the process and lay him on the newspaper. Tell your rock that while it may feel funny, the paint will not hurt him.
5. No matter how much of a fuss your pet rock may make, or how many bribes he tries to give you, do not weaken. Begin painting your rock.
6. Do not be surprised if he starts shrieking at first. However, once he becomes accustomed to the sensation he may start to giggle. Many pet rocks report that being painted made them discover they were ticklish.
7. Once you have finished painting your pet rock, tell him to be still so he can dry. If you catch him trying to scratch himself, threaten to evict him to the gravel driveway for the night.