How to Avoid Killing Your Spouse

Let’s face it; no matter how much you love them, there are days when it’s hard just to tolerate your spouse. You have that moment when you’re certain prison would be bearable if you could just have the pleasure of killing him and then calmly watching while he draws his last breath. Thankfully, logic takes over and you realize that maybe he isn’t so bad, or you simply leave until you get a grip on yourself! There are things you can do to avoid becoming a homicidal maniac and these steps will help lead you to remaining a free citizen.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Good walking shoes or a car
• Ability to focus

1. When she continues to nag to the point of your fists clenching, walk away. Go to your garage and find something to hammer. If you don’t have that luxury, take a drive, a walk or jog to the park. At this point, anything that will exert energy is good.
2. Caught him cheating again? Infidelity may be a good reason to kill in some books, but in the eyes of the law, it is not. If you feel you can’t forgive and your anger continues to rise, consider divorce. It’s better than doing 10 years behind bars.
3. A spouse can sometimes make you feel you are losing your mind, but killing her isn’t the answer to your problem. If wanting to kill her is a persistent quandary you may want to talk to her about marriage counseling. If you’re certain it won’t help, get a separation or at least get therapy for yourself.
4. Remember the kids. You don’t want to do anything horrible they will have to live with the rest of their lives. However, if you find they’re suggesting or insinuating ways of getting rid of Mom, you might want to consider taking them and leaving before you do something stupid.
5. He insists on playing with the remote while you’re trying to watch your favorite television show? Don’t overreact. Wait until he goes to bed or to work the next day, take the batteries out of the remote and throw them in the neighbor’s trash, along with every battery of the same size in the house.
6. Exercise, dance, take yoga classes, play in a pool league; do anything to get you out of the house and away from your spouse once in a while. This will ensure them at least a few more months of life, and you at least a few more months of freedom, if nothing else!

Tips & Warnings

• Sometimes it helps to focus on sex. If they’re good, you tend to find a way to restrain that desire to kill.
• The most foolproof plan to avoid killing your spouse is to get away from her before the urge hits full force.