How to Get Out of Giving a Wedding Toast

When a wedding couple asks someone to deliver the toast at their wedding, it's because they think the speaker knows them better than anyone and can honor them with humor and sincerity. However, you may not want to give the wedding toast for a variety of reasons. Perhaps public speaking makes you queasy. Refuse to give the wedding toast without sacrificing the friendship.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

1. Disclose your public speaking phobia to the couple. Everyone has experienced cold feet in front of an audience and the couple can empathize with this.

2. Explain why another friend or relative provides a better candidate to deliver the wedding toast. Don't leave the couple high and dry. Line up a replacement before you give your refusal.

3. Show the couple that you still want to help, but in a different way. Ask the couple if you can take on another role in the wedding instead of giving the toast.

4. Tell the couple you would rather decline than give a poor wedding toast. Justify your refusal by giving an example of a similar speaking engagement that didn't go well.

5. Express your refusal firmly but graciously. If your refusal is indecisive, the couple may try to talk you out of your refusal.

6. Reinforce that your refusal is about you, not the wedding couple. You can defuse any defensive feelings by reiterating your reasons for refusal, using "I" language instead of "you" language. For example, say, "I don't think my speech delivery style matches the tone of your celebration," instead of, "You wouldn't like my tone."