How to Support a Transgender Friend

A transgender person needs a strong support structure of family and friends. Friends become particularly important when family is non-supportive or worse--openly hostile. If you can be bigger than peer pressure and negative public opinion, you can become a true advocate and friend to someone with gender identity issues.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Educate yourself about the differences between gender identity and sexual identity to avoid common misconceptions. For example, a genetically female person can identify her gender as male, yet still be attracted to men. Make no assumptions about your friend's sexual preference. It has nothing to do with gender identity.
2. Think of your friend as a person, not a gender role. You don't think of other people in gender terms, such as "Joe the male postman," or "Jenn the female insurance agent." You think of them simply as people. Show the same respect for your friend.
3. Let your friend choose where to go out. He or she may feel uncomfortable in certain places, have safety concerns or be unsure what restroom to use. Enjoy your friend's company in a worry-free environment that you can both enjoy.
4. Use gender identifiers according to your friend's preference, not genetic origin. For example, if a genetically female friend identifies as a male, quietly and privately ask whether male pronouns are preferred. This is particularly important if the person presents as the opposite sex.
5. Remember that a friend with gender issues is first and foremost--a friend. Listen, talk, laugh, cry and step up when needed. The most productive way to be supportive is simply to be a good friend back.

Tips & Warnings

• If you've just learned about the gender issue and are feeling confused, remember how much you care for this person and keep an open mind.
• Severe depression is common among the transgendered. Take depressive or suicidal comments seriously and seek professional assistance as quickly as possible.
• In many circumstances, it's rude to ask about a person's sexual orientation. Such a question isn't "free game" just because a person has gender identity issues.