How to Tell Your Friends You're Gay

Whether you have accepted your own sexuality as a gay person for a few weeks or for decades, the point at which you decide to come out and tell your friends that you're gay can be an emotionally charged time in your life. Proceed in a careful, caring and non-confrontational way so that you can maintain and build upon your friendships while you also accept yourself as a gay person.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Make a list of friends with whom you might share the information that you're gay. Think about which friends know already, or may have guessed. It may be a good idea to have your first conversations with these people, or others whom you expect to be supportive and accepting.
2. Allow some friends or casual acquaintances the freedom not to be interested in whether or not you are gay. Some friendships may simply be about other things or other shared activities, and in some cases, you may decide not to burden those friends with some personal and intimate details of your life.
3. Adapt the kind of conversation that you plan to have with each friend to your relationship with that person. Some conversations will be serious heart-to-heart dialogs, but there may be other people with whom it is appropriate simply to mention in passing that you're gay.
4. Tell your friends confidently that you're gay, when you decide to tell them. Understand that you have nothing to apologize for, and let them know that you are comfortable with your sexuality.
5. Ask for support. Your friends will want to know that you are safe and relaxed about your sexuality, and they will want you to share with them when you are going through difficult times. The time when a gay person comes out to friends can be an excellent time to meet with a counselor to talk through any issues that seem especially challenging.
6. Realize always that you are not invisible, and that people are bound to see you around town whether you plan to be seen or not. If you are standing on the threshold of "the closet," it is entirely possible that you may come out to some friends, either through their conversations or their visual confirmations, sooner than you plan.

Tips & Warnings

• Try not to exclude or anger good friends by letting them be the last to know. Close friends usually expect you to share important information with them, and if you leave them until last, the conversation in which you come out to them may be doubly difficult.
• Even if a friend disappoints you with his initial response, be patient. Don't retaliate or lash out, and give your friend time to get more comfortable with the news.