How to Prepare Children for a Parent's Deployment

Military deployments are difficult for every person directly related to the services member, and are especially hard on dependent children. Children do not always comprehend and understand the reasons why their parent has chosen to dedicate themselves to serving their country in the military, and therefore do not always get the whole “willingness to sacrifice” that most military members commit to. How can we expect a child to handle that? It often becomes stressful and a burden for children to carry, which makes it extremely important for parents to prepare their children for upcoming deployments and equipped them with ways that they can approach their parent’s deployment.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Be honest and upfront with children about an upcoming deployment. Do not wait till the last minute to inform a child that you will be going away for a prolonged period of time. It is important to give the children enough time to digest the situation, ask questions and receive answers. Sometimes, the deployment is sudden, but the parent still must set aside time to communicate and reassure the child.
2. Make sure the parent that is left to care for the child during deployment knows all about base-wide services that are available to the spouse and the children of deployed soldiers. Many base installations have clubs and groups that are specifically geared to children of deployed soldiers. It is a wonderful way to help children connect with other children that are experiencing what they are, and it gives them access to counseling support that can be instrumental in helping the children with stress that builds when a parent deploys.
3. Ask the child to help pack. This can help the child feel involved in the deployment process and give them time to communicate and ask those hard questions that may be weighing on their mind.
4. Take the opportunity to teach the child about the rules of OPSEC. This will also help the child to feel like they are carrying out a responsible and important task while the parent is deployed.
5. Limit the amount of news the child will have access to viewing. Keeping up with current events is important to everyone, including children. However, the news can depict the dangers and negative aspects that are involved in many of the locations their parents may be deployed to. Having this constant reminder of the dangers and negativities associated with deployments may cause more stress to the child.
6. Exchange special keepsakes with the child. The parent can give the child an item like a hat they wear for work or an extra set of “dog tags.” The child can give the parent something they hold dear. This will give each something special to stay connected to. Having a special keepsake helps people stay close even when there is distance keeping them apart.
7. Give the child a framed photograph of the parent that is deploying. The child can keep this next to their bed and use it to reflect and communicate with their loved one. Also, give the deploying parent a framed picture of the child. This will help the child feel like they are with the parent during the separation period.
8. Assign a specific chore for the child to carry out. This will make the child feel like they have an important role in the family while their parent is deployed.
9. Invest in a flat daddy or flat mommy. These are photo posters of the deployed parent that can be rolled up and toted all over the place with the child. The child can also make their own daddy or mommy poster buy drawing a picture of the parent that will be deploying on paper and decorating it.
10. Make tape recordings or video tapes reading the child’s favorite stories to them. This will allow the deployed parent to interact with the child even while they are deployed. The tapes or videos can be played each night at bedtime, which will give the child a daily dose of the parent they are missing.
11. Establish a meaningful phrase that can be a special phrase the deployed parent and child say daily. It could as simple as “I love you, I miss you” or “I love you, sleep tight, goodnight.”
12. Spend a few weeks prior to deployment hiding small gifts and special notes around the home. Make up maps and clues that can be given to the child every few weeks to help them search for what has been hidden.
13. Help the child plan out and schedule fun activities to take part in while the parent is deployed. Mark down on the calendar the chosen activities that were decided. This will give the child something to look forward to and give them something to write or talk about with the parent that is deployed. It will also prevent the child from moping around the house waiting and constantly thinking about not having that parent there. It is a good habit to keep children of deployed military members busy.
14. Give the child and family a special keepsake box where they can collect the letters and souvenirs the deployed parent sends home. Also, the deployed parent should make sure and send letters addressed directly to the child. This will make the child feel important and reassure them that they are in the parent’s thoughts.
15. Try to schedule phone calls home during times the child will be available. This can often be difficult because of the time differences that may present a true obstacle. However, it is important to try and keep the lines of communications open with the child and being able to talk and hear the voice of their deployed parent can go a long way to lessening stress.

Tips & Warnings

• Inform the child’s teacher(s) that their parent is deployed and ask them to monitor changes in the child’s behavior, personality and academics. It will help to alert and identify any problems that may occur during the deployment and allow intervention to happen quickly.
• Allow the child to vent and communicate openly about how they feel. By encouraging them and affirming their feelings, they will build up less stress.