How to Live With a Golden Retriever

Each day, your golden retriever will delight you with their absurd gentle happiness at the mere sight of you, your children, your cat and neighbors. There are a few tricks of the trade to living with this unconditionally accepting perpetual optimist. Here's how to stay as ridiculously happy with your golden retriever as they are with you.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Dog brush
• Leash and collar
• Tennis balls
• Dog biscuits

1. Brush the retriever's golden hair every day. A pure golden sheds beyond any conceivable evolutionary purpose. Brush your blankets, couches, and chairs and every adhesive surface you have.

2. Put a collar on the dog, clip a leash to the collar and take your ecstatic friend out for walks and runs. Be aware that burning off her high-as-a-kite energy will have no effect on how much she sheds.

3. Take him to the park and throw tennis balls. Even better, if you live near a lake that allows dogs, throw tennis balls into the lake and let them splash out to fetch. Golden retrievers love water. They go berserk with joy whenever they get to swim.

Tips & Warnings

• If your golden can't live for a moment without your treasured attention, and constantly nudges your hand off the keyboard while you're trying to work, here's what you do: Point to the floor and say, "Down." Each time she gets it, and does lie down, give her a biscuit and a pat on the head.
• To encourage even more uncalled for adoration, give your golden retriever ear rubs. You will be worshipped for all eternity.