How to Know You've Found Your Same-Sex Soulmate

You spotted her across a crowded room and fell instantly in love. Or maybe you were friends whose relationship gradually grew into romance. Either way, how do you know if it’s the real thing for the long haul?

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Pay attention from the start to any nagging doubts. If something feels wrong, make a mental note to see if it’s a pattern.
2. Know that a good relationship is based on shared core values. It doesn’t matter if one plays tennis and hikes every weekend while the other would rather stay in and watch the History Channel. Similar beliefs about people and how the world works are more important.
3. Understand that everyone is wounded and will have feelings about comments and situations that don’t seem to “make sense” to you. Most of our sensitivity stems from childhood feelings of abuse and neglect and every child has felt neglected at some point.
4. Encourage your partner to express his hurt feelings. Talk about your own without blaming your partner. If you can both do this successfully, that’s a hallmark of a good relationship.
5. Notice if you are on the same page about being “out.” If your parents welcome your partner with open arms, but she still calls you her “friend” around her family, that’s going to be a problem.
6. Give it time. If there is something about your partner that you just cannot live with, that will become apparent--usually in the second year, if not sooner.

Tips & Warnings

• You must first be happy with yourself in order to be happy with any partner.
• Knowing on a deep level what kind of person you are looking for makes it more likely you will find her.
• You won’t fall in love with a list of traits--you’ll fall in love with a whole person who may not love dogs or indy films.
• Never accept abus--emotional or physical. You won’t be able to “change” an abusive partner and chances are it will just get worse.