How to Pass for Gay or Lesbian

Lesbian and gay people often have reasons for trying to pass as straight. But you might have to pass yourself off as gay or lesbian if want to convince someone that you really aren't interested in going out on a date. Or maybe you just want to shock your parents. Passing for lesbian or gay is not difficult, as long as you stick to stereotypes and don't try to fool anyone whose gaydar is at all functional.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

For Women

1. Dress for comfort. This means no skirts or dresses, and wear sensible shoes, preferably Birkenstocks. Wear flannel shirts. It does not matter how many lesbians you know who eschew Birkenstocks, wear skirts and don't even own a flannel shirt. You are trying to fool people who buy into stereotypes.

2. Do not wear makeup. If the thought of venturing out in public with a naked face is too appalling, make your face up to look like you aren't wearing any makeup. Wipe off any polish on your fingernails and toenails, and cut your fingernails short.

3. Short, spiky hair is best for your new image. If you have long hair and can't bear the thought of cutting it, don't style it.

4. Mention Home Depot and power tools often. Better yet, mention going to home depot and buying power tools with your "life partner."

5. If the person you are trying to is coming to your place, put out some books by Ellen DeGeneres or Rosie O'Donnell. Supplement your CD collection with Melissa Etheridge and the Indigo Girls. The trick here is not to be too obscure, or your efforts will pass right over this person's head. Of course, anything with the word "lesbian" or "gay" in the title is a bonus. If you can find any posters from the group Act Up, put them on the wall.

For Men

6. Become more fastidious about your appearance. No skipping showers or dirty fingernails. You may want to catch a couple episodes of "Queer Eye" for style tips.

7. If you need to pass for gay at home, make sure your place is pristine. Have your TV turned on to the Fitness Channel or LOGO (the gay and lesbian station), not ESPN. Lifetime TV or Oxygen will also work.

8. Don't wear any baseball caps or sports affiliated attire. Whatever you do, don't suggest going to the batting cage or playing basketball. Suggest going on a shopping spree instead.

9. Show off any dancing or singing abilities. If you are not skilled in these areas, just talk about show tunes. Try to impersonate Judy Garland.

10. Mention the vacation plans you and your "partner" are making.

Tips & Warnings

• If you are conservative politically, you will want to avoid talking politics. People who are gay or lesbian are generally thought to be more liberal.
• Do not try this with your seriously homophobic boss or someone who might react violently toward gays and lesbians.

[treasuresyw]

on 12/1/2009 I think its interesting. Oddly enough the stereotypical look will work out just fine; sad to say. Thanks for sharing your article. Peace