How to Let Go When Your Child Leaves for Out-of-State College

Even while changing his diapers, you dreamed about sending your baby boy to college. But now that he’s 18 and preparing to launch, it’s a bittersweet time. You’re proud and happy that he’s been accepted to the school of his choice, but it’s breaking your heart that he’s moving to another state, perhaps across the country.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Know that you’re in good company: Thousands of parents across the country are facing the prospect that their child is attending college out of state.
2. Believe that your child will be successful. You’ve spent 18 years instilling your beliefs into her, and she’ll take those values to college.
3. Realize that she may be cranky in the weeks before going away to school. It’s part of the separation process.
4. Set up an unlimited-minutes cell phone plan so you can keep in touch any time of the day or night. You don’t want to have to wait until 9 p.m. to talk to him, especially if it’s nearly midnight where he is.
5. Invest in a webcam system so you can actually see each other while talking via the Internet.
6. Wait a few weeks before going into your child’s room, if it’s too difficult at first. You’ve got plenty of time to straighten it up later.
7. Congratulate yourself on your child’s ability to be independent. That means you’ve done an excellent job of being there from the beginning. Children you can’t separate from rarely know whether they can make it on their own.

Tips & Warnings

• It’s OK to cry when you say goodbye. You don’t need to be “brave” for your child.
• Don’t be a “helicopter parent.” Too much hovering will impede your child from succeeding on her own.
• Be a listener, not a problem-solver. He needs you as a sounding board, not a decision-maker.
• Don’t try to keep younger siblings from going out of state to “make up” for your older child’s absence.