How to Discuss Danger While a Parent is Deployed

One of the hardest parts of being a military family is raising children who are stable when military life offers so much instability. Today’s military children has even more on their plates because the “maybe” is their reality—their parents are deploying. Children are smarter than they are often given credit for, and they are definitely more aware of situations in the world today. A child who knows his parent is going to deploy or has deployed can easily become stressed over the fear that Mom or Dad might be in danger during deployment. It is important to help the child cope with this fear and anxiety by being willing to discuss the danger while the parent is deployed.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Be willing to share and communicate with the child. It may be necessary to discuss where the parent is deployed to and the type of job she does in service to the country.

2. Address and answer the child’s questions honestly. There may be a tendency to skirt around the truth, but this may do a disservice to the child in the long run. Remember, children, especially school aged ones, socialize with their peers, and if another parent is being open and honest, the child may get a version of harsh reality from someone else. This may cause him to internalize his feelings and distrust the parent he is in the care of.

3. Make time to encourage the child to express and share her feelings with you. During the sharing sessions, the parent should encourage the child to speak about her fears and affirm her feelings.

4. Encourage the child to utilize positive techniques to vent his feelings. He can use puppet play to express, draw pictures, write stories and just plain talking it out. This will help the child not become overwhelmed by the stresses of knowing the deployed parent might be involved in dangerous situations. It will not change the fact, but it will help them manage the stress.

5. Help the child understand and appropriately interpret what she sees and hears about deployment dangers. Children today are exposed to television media. They read newspapers and the talk openly with their friends; they are more aware of the true dangers in most of the places their parent will be deployed to. Ask them what they know about the situation and what their feelings are.

6. Do not overload them with too much information. Give them small bits of information at a time and allow it to soak in. This will allow you to follow their lead with respect to how much they can handle at one time.

7. Reassure the child that the deployed parent is doing everything he can to stay safe. In the same respect, assure the child that he is also safe and will be well taken care of while the parent is away from home.

8. Support the child’s fears and anxiety. Tell her it is okay that she feels as she does and have fears, because you have fears as well. It allows her to know that she is not alone in feeling as she does.

9. Allow the child to have space and time to feel. The child may be sad and cry because he is afraid of the dangers the deployed parent is part of. Give him room to feel that way and let him know it is alright to have a good cry but that when he is ready, he can come back and talk about it.

10. Work together with the child to develop ways to help her feel less fear and anxiety. Having a partnership to tackle the fears will show the child a strong bond and alliance. She will know they can count on you to get her through this.

11. Use human touch for comfort. Children respond well to hugs as a positive form of comfort. So embrace them, hold them and hug them often.

12. Utilize the military installations support services. Most base communities have a family-support service center. There you can find resources and assistance that can help the parent help the child deal and cope with handling the dangers that go with deployment. Also, many bases have clubs specifically for children of deployed soldiers. There they can mingle and come together with other children that are going through the same thing they are.

Tips & Warnings

• Monitor a child with a deployed parent for signs of stress and anxiety. Alert teachers at school that the child’s parent has been deployed and ask them to also monitor signs of behavior that may be uncharacteristic for the child. If the child begins to act out or is displaying signs that may be indicative of not handling the fears of having a deployed parent, it is important to seek out help through counseling.